Your Childhood Shapes Your Love Life In These 4 Ways

Dec 18, 2018 by apost team

Though it may be hard to believe, things that may have happened to you at a young age have the possibility of influencing your dating process. These past occurrences may also influence the way you behave while in a relationship.

Your childhood influences define your attachment style. This idea is derived from a psychologist by the name of Dr. John Bowlby. It transitioned into being known as the attachment theory during the late sixties into the seventies.

The attachment theory basically states that humans are characterized by attachment behaviors that start from birth and last until the day you leave this earth. This means that as a child, you received a certain level of affection and love from your parents, guardians and other loved ones. Based on the affection you received during the time of your childhood, you embraced a behavior that coincides with what you received. That behavior does not leave you but instead stays with you until you actively work to shift it to something new.

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The attachment style does not have to be considered a negative behavior. It can be a behavior that is healthy for your lifestyle. With this behavior, you would be attracted to your partner due to you genuinely caring for them and liking who they are. However, this behavior can also cause you to be in relationships that are unhealthy.

What can you do to keep this from happening? Knowing what your attachment style is will help you greatly. More importantly, knowing this will allow you to maneuver around those toxic relationships by developing dating patterns and a relationship system that is healthy. As a result, your relationships are bound to be successful and you will begin to attract partners who are more compatible with who you are.

There are four categories for attachment styles:

• Dismissive-avoidant 
• Secure
• Fearful-avoidant
• Anxious-preoccupied

Follow along to learn about each style and how they affect your habits for dating.

There are two avoidant attachment styles, with dismissive-avoidant being the first. Individuals with this attachment style are known for distancing themselves from their partner. This can be recognized as one pushing the other away. This person can be seen as one who is coldhearted, and there is a wall up that is hard to get past. It is common for the individual with the attachment style to not know when this is happening.

For someone who is dismissive-avoidant, your behavior style will cause you to engage in relationships that are void of intimacy on a deep level. Relationships with a deep level of intimacy make you uncomfortable. If you are made to feel uncomfortable, you will be triggered to protect yourself.

Out of all four styles, the secure attachment style is the only one that is completely healthy. Amazingly enough, this is also the most common attachment style. About 60 percent of individuals have acquired this attachment style.

Those who have developed a secure attachment style most likely grew up in an environment with a stable parent or guardian who was full of love. You could always find security in knowing that they would always be there. As a result of having this security while growing up, you don’t seek to find someone who can fill a void. Instead, you are more interested in having someone in your life who can add value to what you already have.

Toxic partners and relationships aren’t something you normally attract into your life. You find it much easier to trust your partner while being able to respect their needs and wants. However, having a perfect relationship is not promised. What can be ensured is that you will not have to worry or deal with any ongoing attachment issues.

For individuals with this attachment style, the reason behind avoidance is totally different. You are simply afraid. You are afraid of the possibility of getting too close to someone only to end up getting hurt. This could also cause you to become very distant. As a result, you may appear to be unstable to those looking on.

Being in a relationship or living a life that includes someone who is fearful-avoidant can be very frustrating. It is often hard for someone with this attachment type to make a decision concerning what they want or don’t want. As a result of having a fear of getting hurt while being too close, fearful-avoidant individuals appear to be dismissive-avoidant. This is due to them keeping their partner or loved one at a distance to avoid getting hurt. Then, there are other times when the fear is centered around not wanting to lose someone, as a result of the distance placed between one another.

Being a person with a fearful-avoidant style may cause you to attach yourself to someone quickly. You will respond by distancing yourself at times that you aren’t even aware of. None of the attachment styles are permanent. You have the ability to shift your behavior.

Anxious-preoccupied attachment style is the last style among the ones that are harmful to your health. Individuals with this attachment style are very insecure. Their insecurities can be seen most often as they attempt to find a partner who will fill a void in their lives. They are seeking to be made whole. An anxious-preoccupied person will date solely based on whether or not the other person can fill the hole that’s been present since childhood.

If you have an anxious-preoccupied attachment style, there is a strong desire to fill this place. Out of desperation to fill that place, you may develop trust issues and paranoia that cause you to be very controlling in a relationship. When you are in control, you can ensure that you won’t get hurt. Developing strong trust during the early stages of your relationship will help you shift your attachment style behaviors for the better.

Could you identify which attachment style you have? Does it affect the way you behave in relationships? Let us know in the comments and be sure to pass this article on to your friends and loved ones - who knows maybe this article helps someone!