Woman Tells Her Mother-In-Law's That She Doesn't Want Her Old Engagement Ring And Prefers New One Instead

Dec 28, 2021 by apost team

Balancing families and relationships can be tricky at times, especially when your partner doesn’t get along with members of your family. It can also be hard to be the person on the other side of this situation who has to deal with trying to get along with people who may just not be their perfect cup of tea. This was starting to look like the case for one 26-year-old woman.

She went to Reddit on Dec. 12, 2021, to share some struggles she was facing within her relationship and asked users for their advice. The original poster (OP) had been with her 30-year-old boyfriend named Adam for four years, but wasn’t super close with his family. However, she was close with her former sister-in-law, who know longer was part of the family following her divorce from Adam’s brother. 

As OP and Adam continued to move forward more with their relationship, OP tried to make more of an effort to build a stronger connection with his family members, including his mother. Since they were starting to get more serious and considering marriage as their next step, the mother-in-law gave her former engagement ring to Adam to propose with, as it was a family tradition. 

OP had a huge issue with this, as the ring already had a lot of history, and wanted something that would be more meaningful and special to her personal relationship. This resulted in a huge fight between her, Adam and Adam’s mom, leaving OP to turn to Redditors for their advice on what steps she should take next.

In her Reddit post, OP explained that she’s not very close to her boyfriend’s family aside from his former sister-in-law. Her future mother-in-law gave her former engagement ring to OP’s future brother-in-law three years ago to propose to his now ex-wife.  “It’s an important tradition in the family to pass down the ring and since they have no daughters/sisters then the ring went to brother-in-law’s ex-wife,” OP explained. However, the pair separated, so the brother-in-law got the ring back and is now focusing on raising his kids.

OP continued, “Now since everyone knows that Adam and I are planning to make our relationship official and pursue marriage which is our goal, his mother suggested he propose with her engagement ring that my brother-in-law already proposed with to his now ex.” 

While Adam was excited about the idea, OP was uncomfortable with the fact that the ring had been attached to multiple relationships by this point, including her former sister-in-law, whom she was still close with. “I feel like that ring already had more than one love story and I feel I have the right to wear a ring that represents our relationship and one that belongs to me and Adam,” OP said.

Her future mother-in-law explained that it was their tradition, and it was disrespectful for OP to not want her former engagement ring since it has so much sentimental value. “I explained why I had an issue with it but she implied I clearly wanted a ‘more shiny and expensive one,’” OP said.

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However, Adam agreed with his mother. He said, “I don’t get it. You really think a ring is more important than us being on the same page and understanding each other? Besides, that’s what my mom wants and to be completely honest with you here, I’m just trying to keep the peace and stay on her good side which (is) what you should be doing TOO right now instead of already starting an unnecessary drama and setting a bad tone for your relationship with mom.”

OP asked Adam why his mom’s opinion was equal to or more important than hers, resulting in more fighting between the pair. Since then, OP asked Redditors for their thoughts on the matter, and received plenty of responses highlighting just how problematic her boyfriend’s behavior was. 

One user commented, “Oh my word. If he’s trying to keep the peace over this legitimate issue, what do you think he’ll do when his mother has an opinion on your wedding planning, a house you look at, or how you raise your children? The ring in my opinion has some bad juju attached to it, and I wouldn’t want to be wearing a ring I’ve seen worn by a friend for years.”

Another user said, “You can see how this relationship is going to go forever... His mother will always be more important than you, and he will appease her anytime she starts drama. The fact he is explicitly putting in these terms already shows he knows she will. Is this something you're prepared to deal with for the rest of your life?”

Do you agree that this woman should be given a new engagement ring? Or should she be happy with her future mother-in-law’s old ring? Let us know, and be sure to pass this along to your family and friends, too.