Woman Rejects Invite To Cousin's Wedding After Her Wedding Invitation Arrives Without Her Surname

Mar 21, 2023 by apost team

There are so many reasons one could think of why people decline to attend a wedding. Perhaps the wedding venue is too far and the person invited doesn’t have enough resources to travel. Or maybe the person couldn’t come because they can’t just take a leave from work. Or they probably couldn’t find anyone to look after their children. Regardless of their reasons, there’s no denying that some people badly want to attend a wedding but simply can’t because there are circumstances that are beyond their control. 

But sometimes, people intentionally do not want to attend a wedding because they simply don’t like to. Maybe they don’t want to socialize with other people, or they don’t like to cross paths with people they don’t like at the wedding. Either way, there’s always a reason why people do not want to attend a wedding. For one woman, she declined to attend a wedding for a reason no one probably ever heard of at that time – and people think she’s making it all about her.

In June 2020, a woman took to Reddit to share that she refused to attend her cousin’s wedding because the invitation sounded "sexist."

“My cousin (a 30-year-old male) is getting married to his girlfriend of 4 years, (a 29-year-old female). The wedding will be in January 2021 and the invitations arrived 2 days ago. His girlfriend's family is very rich/formal and the invitations reflected that,” the woman wrote in her post.

While it’s not uncommon to simply address the invitees by “Mr. and Mrs.” followed by the name of the husband, the woman took offense because she felt like her name was erased from the equation.

The woman explained that she felt as if she was just an extension of her husband. 

For Illustration Purposes Only (With Models) - istockphoto.com/AntonioGuillem

While she felt offended by it, her husband felt the opposite and told her she was acting old-fashioned based on her reaction.

“My husband and I (27-year-old female) received the invite in the mail, and they were addressed to ‘Mr. and Mrs. John Smith.’ I was livid because they totally erased my name and my identity by referring to me as an extension of my husband. My husband thought it was old-fashioned but he didn't think it was offensive,” she said.

In her defense, she never took her husband’s name and had been using her maiden name ever since they got married, and that’s why she got offended. So, she called her cousin to tell her about her issue.

“I called my cousin yesterday night, and told him that I will not be attending because of the wording on the invitation. I said, technically he didn't even invite ME because he never even wrote my own name on the invitation. I mean, I go by my maiden name and I never took my husband's last name when we married,” she said.

The woman said her cousin eventually apologized for what happened and explained that the latter’s fiancée and her family had prepared the invitations, so he didn’t know all the details that came with them.

“My cousin apologized, said his girlfriend and her family were mainly responsible for the wedding planning, including the invitations, and he said they didn't know they were addressed like that,” the woman said.

The woman then responded by telling her cousin that it wasn’t an excuse and that it was blatant sexism, so she told him she wouldn’t attend the wedding.


For Illustration Purposes Only (With Models) - istockphoto.com/AntonioGuillem

“He said others received their invites a few days ago and nobody has complained about them so far. I told him that's no excuse for the blatant sexism on his invites and that we will not be attending,” she said.

The woman then asked Reddit users if she was in the wrong after her mom told her she was overreacting, with her aunt feeling upset over the issue.

“My mother thinks I'm overreacting, she said my aunt is very upset at me and says I'm being a ‘drama queen,’” the woman wrote.

Instead of getting sympathy, the woman was told she was being petty about the whole issue. A lot of people told her none of it should matter if she really cared about her cousin.

“I am a feminist, but I think you’re choosing the wrong battle here and being a little petty. They addressed the invitations in a formal and traditional way. It’s not really setting feminism back in any way. Don’t be petty. If your cousin is important to you, you should go,” one person said.

“That is the traditional and formal way to address a wedding invitation. Perhaps it is outdated but do you really want to offend your family by choosing such a petty hill to die on. In 10 years will you really care how they addressed the envelope or that you missed the wedding of a family member,” another person said.

“What a ridiculous hill to die on. Yes, you're being overdramatic. It sounds like you simply dislike the Bride and are looking for a way out,” one other person said.

Meanwhile, one person said she should stop making the wedding all about herself.

“It's not about you so stop making it about you,” the person said.

For Illustration Purposes Only (With Models) - istockphoto.com/AntonioGuillem

What do you think about the woman’s feelings over the invitation she received for her cousin’s wedding? Do you agree with the other people who said she’s making it all about her? Let us know what you think, and pass this on to people who might find this story interesting!

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