Woman Refuses To Go To ‘Apology Dinner’ After MIL Calls Her A ‘Bad Mother’

May 21, 2021 by apost team

Grief is something that every person has to deal with at some point or another, but it isn't an easy thing. Loss often occurs at inopportune times, and the grief-stricken person will have to figure out a way to deal with it. 

What's worse is that grief often affects more than one person in a family or group of friends at the same time, and this kind of pressure can make some people behave totally out of character. Sometimes people are so preoccupied with their own thoughts and feelings while grieving that they cross a line and can't be forgiven, even after taking into account their grief.

Unfortunately for one Reddit user that's exactly what happened. Going by the username Angle50976, the woman posted to Reddit's AITA (Am I The A**hole) subreddit wondering if she was in the wrong in a particularly tricky situation with her mother in law. Explaining that she'd lost her infant son to congenital heart disease, the woman's mother-in-law called her a "bad mother" at his funeral while also causing strife. 

At this point, the woman and her husband decided to cut ties with the mother-in-law but over one year later now that the woman is pregnant once again, the mother-in-law is trying to weasel her way back into their lives by hosting an "apology dinner" and promising to spend money on her new grandchild. The woman's quandary is that she doesn't want to attend the dinner, although her husband thinks it might be a good idea. Let's take a look at this complicated family situation.

Posting to the AITA subreddit less than one month ago, the user Angle50976 was looking for the perspective of neutral parties as to whether she was the bad guy in this complicated family situation. She starts off with a heartbreaking statement:

"I lost my son to congenital heart disease and he did not survive the open heart surgery at the age of 1 year and 6 months. He was the greatest blessing I had in my life. Everyone kept telling me things will get easier with time. I know that no matter how much time goes by I'll still be missing my baby and everything sweet about him."

But that's only the start of the woman's problems. Explaining that she and her mother-in-law were never on good terms, things only got worse when her son got sick, leading them to always be in constant conflict. The mother-in-law would criticize each decision she made and claimed that the woman didn't know how to handle her son's illness. The woman's husband became caught between his son being sick and the issues with his own mother.

But then at the funeral, things got really ugly. The mother-in-law attended and caused a big scene by arguing with the woman, despite the fact that she'd just lost her infant son. The woman explains:

"She used the fact that everyone was there so she could say it was my fault my son was born sick and I didn't take care of him properly, that I didn't listen to her when suggested other ways to treat his condition. And That I was the one who took their grandchild away from them and caused them heartache." 

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That was already taking it much too far, but then the mother-in-law loudly called the woman a "bad mother" at her child's funeral. The woman's husband sat down crying as her mom and sisters asked the mother-in-law to leave. She continues:

"She then went to tell everyone I kicked her out as a way to hurt her further and lied that I convinced my husband to ban her from visiting her grandson's grave."

The incident prompted the woman's husband to send his side of the family an email about his mom's behavior during and after their son's illness and death and that the couple was cutting off contact with her. This only led to the family criticizing them and calling them "selfish," while accepting the mother-in-law's bad behavior as "trying to do what was best for her grandbaby."

What an absolutely horrible thing to happen to someone. Not only does the couple lose their infant child to illness but the mother-in-law has caused them strife for months on end. After ruining the child's funeral and publicly criticizing their parenting, specifically the mother's, the couple is forced to cut the toxic mother-in-law out of their life, only to have the husband's side of the family side with her. Nobody should have to go through what this woman and her husband already have.

But it actually gets worse than that. After not having any contact with the mother-in-law for one year and eight months, the woman reveals that she and her husband are expecting a new baby and that she's three months pregnant. Cue to the mother-in-law attempting to re-enter their lives.

With a new baby on the way, this should be a time of celebration and joy, especially considering what the couple has been through. The woman explains that nobody knew about the pregnancy except for her sister-in-law but that the word somehow got out, even though they'd told her not to say anything. Soon after this happened:

"Week later I had family members saying I was invited to a dinner hosted by mother in law so she could both apologize in front of the whole family and settle this issue before the baby's born. They said mother in law was regretful, and offered to financially provide for her grandbaby and they want to see that." 

The woman, clearly skeptical of her mother-in-law's intentions, refused to go but, surprisingly, her husband wants her to. What's more, his grandparents called her to say that she's "a person with a good heart and forgiveness's [sic] something [she's] capable of giving." She countered that she'll never sit "at the same table with the person who called [her] a bad mother at [her] child's funeral." Which honestly, sounds completely fair. 

The woman's sisters think the change of heart is simply because of the new baby on the way. However, the woman is standing her ground and insists she won't go to the dinner, despite others saying that she's "making [it] hard for everyone to move on and past this unreasolved [sic] pain and should really go." What a heavy family situation, but honestly we can't blame the woman for wanting to keep her distance after all that she has been through with the mother-in-law.

What do you think about this woman's tough predicament? Have you ever had any serious family drama that you just can't quell? Pass this on to others so that they can help weigh in on the woman's dilemma too.