Woman Refuses To Adopt Cousin's Four Children After Mom Loses Rights
Nov 13, 2021 by apost team
When one of our family members is in trouble, it is natural to want to do what you can to help. However, if they aren’t willing to help themselves, sometimes the best thing to do is to set healthy boundaries. This is what one woman had to do after her cousin gave her name to Child Protective Services (CPS), claiming she would adopt her four children.
The woman explained that she used to be close to her cousin growing up, as they are the same age. But, when the pair were in high school, the cousin began getting involved with drugs. This caused the woman to distance herself. When the woman was in college, she connected with her cousin again and would sometimes babysit for her. This was until she saw some concerning behavior and reported her cousin to CPS.
After this occurred, the cousin cut off all contact with the family, including the woman. Several years later, the cousin reached out via email to the woman and explained that her kids were taken away three years prior by CPS and have been living with a foster family. The cousin asked the woman to adopt her children so they would remain with their biological family.
The woman agreed to meet with the children and foster family before she decided. The kids all adore the family they were placed with, and the family says they want to adopt all of the children. Because of this, and for personal reasons, the woman decided not to adopt her cousin’s children. The cousin was furious when she found out, and the woman was left wondering if she had made the right decision. Keep reading to see what users on Reddit had to say after this woman posted her story in November 2021.
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The woman posted her story to the subreddit AITA to ask users if she was doing the right thing. She explained in her post that she and her cousin had grown up together.
She wrote:
“Then in high school, she got really into the drugs/party thing and ended up dropping out in her senior year. She eventually had my nephew ‘Evan’ (now 8 ). I babysat a lot for her--I was attending college locally, so I was around to help out. Long story short, the stuff I saw ended up with me calling CPS. They determined it wasn't bad enough yet to remove Evan but did give her some kind of parenting plan. Not sure what, as she cut off everyone in the family at this point.”
The cousin then reached out via email. The woman continued, “She said that CPS had removed Evan and his siblings Connor (5M) and Gracie (3F) 3 years ago--I wasn't even aware she'd had other kids. They've been with the same foster family all this time. Now CPS was taking away her rights for not working her plan, and she had given my name to them as a relative who would adopt them.”
After agreeing to meet her cousin’s children, the woman decided not to adopt them. “All the kids LOVE their foster family. I decided not to try and take the kids, but the foster parents are allowing me to stay involved in their life as an aunt figure. Evan still remembers me vaguely and was happy to see me. On top of not wanting to take them from the only home most of the kids remember, I also don't want to deal with my cousin--she's still using and is not someone I want in my life right now,” she explained. She also mentioned that her cousin was pregnant again, with her fourth child, which would be taken from her at birth.
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The reason the woman feels she may be doing the wrong thing is that her cousin was very angry when she found out that she didn’t want to adopt her kids and said that the woman was a bad person. The woman shared, “When I told my cousin, she was furious. She said the kids deserve to grow up with their family, and I'm doing a terrible thing by not adopting them.”
Users on Reddit were in agreement that the woman had made the right choice. “The kids sound like they are in a good place, it sounds like they are happy and healthy and perhaps may even be adopted by them in the future. Bonus, you can stay part of their lives. Screw your cousin, you probably already know that she wants you to adopt the kids so she can manipulate things and get back in their lives and be a complete pain,” wrote one commenter.
Another person said, “OP’s cousin is right that the kids deserve to grow up with family. But their ‘family’ is the foster parents that have been caring for them for the last three years. Kudos to OP for recognizing this and honoring that bond.”
Others highlighted how rare it is to find a foster family willing to adopt all of the children. A third user commented, “Working in child welfare I know how hard it is to find a wonderful foster family that will keep them all together and allow you to visit. I am sure bio mom had multiple chances (they always do) and her ‘wants’ don't override the kid's stability.”
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What do you think of this woman’s decision? What would you do in this situation? Let us know, and feel free to pass this along to your friends and family.