Woman Disinvited From Wedding So She Takes Back Dress That She Agreed To Loan To Bride, Bride Makes A Scene

Oct 07, 2021 by apost team

In a popular September 2021 Reddit post, a community member writes that she and her sister-in-law are incredibly close. They share the same interests, style and hobbies, and they usually get along swimmingly. This is in spite of the fact that her sister-in-law’s family is full of “vicious people” who don’t accept the original poster (OP) because she is a lesbian.

Most of the time, the OP and her wife simply ignore the rest of the sister-in-law’s family, but that wouldn’t be an option at her sister-in-law’s upcoming wedding. Although attending the wedding might be stressful for the OP, she nonetheless planned to go. What’s more, her sister-in-law asked the OP for a favor for the wedding: Could she borrow the OP’s wedding dress?

The OP says that she was “thrilled” that she “meant that much to her” and gladly agreed to lend her wedding dress. But then the OP received the sister-in-law’s wedding invitation.

While the OP’s name was on the invitation, her wife’s name was curiously missing. To find out what was going on, she gave her sister-in-law a call.

Although the sister-in-law was apologetic, she explained that her parents were “giving her hell” for inviting the OP and her wife for “obvious reasons,” adding that her family only agreed to invite the OP if she came alone. The sister-in-law explained that the matter wasn’t completely in her hands, as her parents were paying for the wedding and had the power to decide who to invite. As you can imagine, the OP wasn’t pleased, and so she made a decision.

“I noticed my wife's name wasn't on the invitation,” the OP wrote.  “I said I won't come unless my wife comes. She got upset telling me to let it go but I refused and she ended up taking back the invitation saying she was sorry she just didn't want any drama at her wedding. I said fine no hard feelings and asked my brother to send my dress back to my place. My sister in law was stunned after she found out I took the dress back. She came over crying begging me to let her have it.”

The OP took to Reddit to ask whether she was wrong for taking back her wedding dress after her sister-in-law disinvited her.

Most Redditors took the OP’s side, arguing that she was justified in withholding her dress.

“Ask her bigoted parent to finance her dress. Also send the value of the gift you would have got her and donate it to a lgbt+ charity of your choice in her parents name,” one Redditor suggested.

The top comment made a similar but admittedly “petty” suggestion.

“Tbf though, I'd let her wear it and then after the wedding I'd social media the hell out of her photos and your photos side-by-side and just gush about how amazing it is that your SIL wore your wedding dress that you married your wife in and how the dress is such a symbol of pure love between anyone who truly loves another person. I'm sure your SIL's awful family will love your dress just as much as you do!” the top comment reads.

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While plenty of Redditors were critical of the sister-in-law, many users were also confused as to why the OP’s brother didn’t step in. 

“Why isn't your brother putting his foot down? This is their wedding, the bride and groom should have final say on the guest list. Does this mean he doesn't really support you or your wife? Is a fancy wedding more important to him than HIS SISTER???” one Redditor wrote.

In response to another comment, the OP defended her brother, writing that he “surely understands” the situation and that they remain “close,” though the question remains as to why the brother didn’t do more than simply getting the dress back.

Regardless of where you fall on this issue, it’s clear that disinviting someone from your wedding — whether it’s because of your family’s homophobia or for lack of money — is almost never a good idea. 

As Bride & Groom Direct notes, “​​Disinviting someone from your wedding, after you’ve already asked them to attend, is a huge breach of wedding etiquette. It’s seen as an extremely rude thing to do, and can cause a lot of offence and hurt feelings.”

Although Bride & Groom Direct does argue that some circumstances might allow for disinviting someone — if, say, your budget is much smaller than you thought — “traditionalists would have you believe that it should never be done, under any circumstances.”

Beyond the hurtful implications, that’s likely why the OP was so angry about being disinvited. Because disinviting is simply not done, doing so is a huge slap in the face for whoever it happens to.

Do you think the OP did the right thing? Is it ever OK to disinvite a wedding guest? Let us know — and pass this on to get other opinions.