Woman Asks If She Was 'Too Harsh' Saying 'No' To Elderly Parents Moving In With Her

Nov 14, 2022 by apost team

Watching your parents get older can be difficult at times, especially if it gets to a point where they may need professional care or someone to look after them. However, this was not the case for one woman who shared her grievances about growing up and her frustrations about her current situation in a Reddit post in early November 2022.

The woman explained how her family is from South Asia but that they live in the United States. However, it’s clear that her parents have held onto some traditional standards, and they, unfortunately, seemed to have a preference between their two children. Spoiler alert — they preferred their son over their daughter.

The woman explained how her home life with them just wasn’t working out, so she worked as hard as possible to get out of there and move away. Her efforts paid off as she received a partial scholarship to a state school and a full scholarship for her second degree, finding work full-time while studying. Life was a bit easier for her brother, as their parents helped him get through school.

Needless to say, though, the woman has done pretty well for herself and now has a home of her own and a husband whom she is planning on starting a family with. However, her parents abruptly decided that they wanted to sell their home and move in with their daughter.

She told them no, and family drama ensued. This led the woman to wonder if she handled everything poorly and asked Reddit users for their advice.

In her Reddit post, the original poster (OP) explained that her family is from South Asia but lives in the United States. “My parents loved my older brother and tolerated me,” she said. “They expected me to just stay home and take care of them and my brother.”

However, OP didn’t agree with this and worked hard to earn two degrees and find a full-time career. “I found a career that I really enjoy and a husband who loves me,” she said.

However, her parents paid for her brother’s education, and he now does “very well for himself” and has five children who all attend private school and extracurricular activities. “And his wife is a SAHM (stay at home mom) even though they have a nanny,” OP added.

Now, OP was expecting her first child after waiting a few years to start her family. She and her husband plan on having two children. “We are very much in agreement about our future,” OP said.

Unfortunately, OP’s family had other plans. “My parents however have decided that they are going to sell their home and come live with us,” she said. “We have a large property with an in-law suite in a HCOL (high cost of living) city on the west coast.”

OP made it clear that she “did not want” her parents living with them, and her husband agreed. “So I told them no,” she revealed. “They said that they already listed their home and that a dutiful daughter would take care of her parents in their old age.”

OP agreed that she would find them a nice retirement home instead and pay for their bills until they passed, but her parents weren’t happy about it. “They called me an ungrateful child and that it was expected of me,” she said.

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So, OP sent them a check to cover a year’s worth of rent, food and utilities. “I said I moved out one year after I turned 18 and that they were responsible for me up to that point. I then told them not to contact me again without going through my lawyer,” OP said. “I have been playing whack a mole blocking all of their attempts to reach me.”

Unfortunately, this caused many issues within the family, and everyone agreed that OP was in the wrong. Her brother said she was “making the family look bad,” but it was clear he wouldn’t take their parents in either.

“So was I too harsh?” OP asked. She also added that her parents didn’t approve of who she married and didn’t help pay for the wedding.

Unlike her family, Redditors did not think OP was in the wrong. One user said, “DNA doesn’t entitle anyone to anything you don't want to give.”

Another person added: “I am very impressed with the hard line boundaries you set up so quickly and I have a feeling you will have no problem keeping them. As to the rest of the family, as you have stated, they are welcome to open up their homes and or wallets and house them if they feel so strongly about the family ‘image.’ Seriously impressed.”

OP provided a short update in the comments as well, as she explained: “I have already given their information to the guards at the gate to our community. They are not moving in here.”

What would you do if you were in this woman’s situation? Let us know, and be sure to pass this along to your family and friends as well.