Why Hugging Your Kids Is Important, Especially When They're Being 'The Worst'

Nov 13, 2018 by apost team

Maybe, you should. Let's think about it for a moment while you're not dealing with a screaming toddler. What makes them act out? Believe it or not, they are mimicking your very own behavior.

Children act out much in the same way that adults do during times of stress. Adults have had a lot more practice dealing with stress than children. So, we will use one of our coping mechanisms to get through the stress, while our children will act out in some way to relieve theirs.

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If an adult is having a rough time with something, they can, sometimes, act out a bit themselves. Maybe, they get a little snappy with their family, co-workers, or even their children. Children see everything and this how they learn to cope with stress.

Ask yourself what would help you ease the stress of a bad day or moment. Would a hug help you feel a little better? Maybe, feel a little safer and secure? Hugs are nice, right? How many times have you hugged an adult acquaintance when you thought it would make them feel better? It works the same way with children.

Our brains will not let us think rationally when we are overly stressed or in a heated moment. As adults, our fully-formed brains will help us to compensate in other areas of behavior in times of stress. But, children's brains are not yet fully formed and don't have the full capability to help them with their stress. So, they act out.

Try hugging your child the next time there is an outburst. It doesn't mean that you are condoning their behavior. Chances are, you've already made it clear to them that their behavior is out of line. Knowing that you are upset with them will make them even more on edge. A hug will help them calm down.

A simple, heartfelt hug from a parent to a child can mean any one of these things:

“You mean the world to me.”

“I love you no matter what.”

“I see that you are still learning and I am here to help you.”

“You are not alone in this.”

“I see how hard this is for you right now.”

“I accept your feelings.”

“Your feelings do not define you.”

“You are not defined by your mistakes.”

“I want to help you learn new ways to cope.”

“You can count on me.”

Your child doesn't want to be bad. They just don't want to be dealing with whatever is upsetting them. Hugging them after scolding them will give you the opportunity to talk to them calmly and find out what is causing the stress. You can then begin to help them develop better means of expressing themselves.

Once you start hugging your children more often when they are upset, you will see them begin to use their own different coping techniques for helping them to deal with their stress. You will even find yourself in a habit of thinking about what you will say when you are hugging instead of being so upset about their behavior while they're acting out.

If you've never tried this hugging method with your children, you should really give it some careful consideration. It's always difficult for us to change habits that have been taught to us for our entire lives. But, as we continue to evolve and better understand our emotions, we are finding newer, more effective ways to help our children learn.

Can any parents out there tell us about their experiences using hug therapy for their children? We'd love to hear your stories! Show this article to your friends, family, and other parents to see what they think!