Why Dating Makes Me Want To Punch Myself In The Throat These Days

Sep 10, 2018 by apost team

Falling in love in your twenties used to be the norm, but now it feels like a second full-time job. No one knows how to approach each other in the real world, so we're all stuck on dating apps spending our nights deliberating over profiles and deeming someone worthy of a right swipe.

It never stops there, though. Crafting that witty first message, waiting just the right amount of time to reply so you don't seem too eager and lamenting when your match disappears without a trace is just part of modern dating culture.

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Modern dating is disgusting, draining and pointless. Maybe I just sound like someone who has been rejected one too many times, but I assure you that isn't the case. There are always people to talk to, but the conversations never go anywhere. Instead of falling in love, we are forced to put on masks and make ourselves the ideal date and could-be significant other without ever saying we want something significant

It's such a backward model; devote your time and attention to one person in the hopes things take shape, all the while refusing to ever acknowledge your desire for a meaningful, monogamous relationship and special connection because it's too "desperate."

Being single nowadays isn't the problem, it's the labyrinth you have to trudge through just to possibly meet someone who wants to do more than just "hang out."

What's a real date in 2018? People spend most of their time hooking up in backseats and dark apartments, convincing themselves it's all just casual and they're not looking for anything.

Fast-forward a day or two and they're checking their phone every 15 minutes for a text to make them feel like they actually mattered.

People will spend hours deliberating whether or not the casual sex they had with someone meant anything.

They'll pass hours rereading old text conversations, sending screenshots to friends and desperately trying to read between the lines of second-rate small talk in the hopes of catching a spark.

But we live in a world where it's not cool to be genuine. To actively seek a relationship is to be desperate and unsatisfied with one's own existence.

Selfishness has become an armor we wear to mask our loneliness, so we keep swiping, keep hooking up and hanging out, all the while wishing that someone would think we matter for once and not be afraid to say so.

Of course, then someone does tell us they have real feelings and we get scared. It's too soon, they don't really know us and this is just too creepy.

Blocked. Don't ask to see each other too often, and don't even think about texting after a date, no matter how great it was.

The hard, cold calculation that goes into playing the millennial dating game is enough to make me vomit. In fact, I'll spend half the time on these fake dinner dates wishing I'd just choke on my food and be put out of my misery. After all, is this really going to go anywhere?

Surely there's a reason to want to get to know me, not just lust for my body? But then he might not ask me to come home at all. He may not even try to kiss me or graze my thigh when we're on the subway. Then what? I'll just wonder why he's not interested and spend the rest of the night wallowing in my own insecurity.

Honestly, I'm just sick of it all. I'm sick of the games we play, and I'm sick of complaining about the system while still being an active part of it. Let's just stop messing around and be real with one another. There's nothing wrong with wanting to fall in love, and there's nothing shameful about pursuing someone who catches your interest.

Don't be afraid to be captivated, because you, darling, are captivating.

 Tinder and Bumble can keep their swipes. It's time to reach out into the real world. It's time to make dating feel real again.

Are you tired of online dating? Do you feel like you've hit a dead-end and don't know where to find something serious? Share your dating woes (and triumphs!) in the comments below.