What Life Is Really Like When You Have High-Functioning Anxiety

Nov 14, 2018 by apost team

High-functioning anxiety presents itself in many different ways. You may come off as a perfectionist. You may look busy. You may have even achieved a lot in your life.

When the anxiety starts to sneak out, it may transform itself into nervous habits, such as nail biting and foot tapping. You may notice it in my nervous laughter or unanswered text messages. I may appear flaky to you. You might see a glimpse of panic behind my smile and laughter when something changes.

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High-functioning anxiety often makes me feel as if there is a snake slithering slowly up my back, ready to clamp his powerful jaws on my neck. I get terrible stomachaches even when I feel healthy.

High-functioning anxiety sounds like a lot of different bad things in my head. I tell myself that I’m not good enough all of the time. I think I’m a bad friend and a waste of time. I lament that my boyfriend doesn’t really love me and that I’m too needy. I overthink the things I said in the past. I feel as though I come off as too needy to my bosses and flaky when I talk to others. I tell myself that I’m just a fraud and that no one really likes me. I think I am letting the whole world down with just my presence.

While this is all going on in my head, I appear as though I am perfectly calm.

High-functioning anxiety means always looking for the next activity to dive into. Having a never-ending feeling of nervousness and energy. I’m always making lists, keeping busy with multiple tasks, writing, cooking, and cleaning. It is a silent anxiety attack, hidden by a bright smile.

It means always appearing busy while avoiding the important things. I won’t often ask for help, even when things are piling up all around me.

High-functioning anxiety is the constant worry that you are about to say the wrong thing. You worry that you have said too much and that nobody really cared about what was on your mind anyway. You don’t ever want to talk again because of the thoughts in your head, yet you do.

You feel as though everyone around you has it together except for you. You tell yourself that all you need to do is suck it up and get your act together. You insist to yourself that it is all in your mind.

High-functioning anxiety is waking up at 2 a.m. and crying because you just had such a vivid dream. The scenario in your head was just so real that you can’t let it go. It will take you an hour or two to even calm down from it. While other people just fall back asleep, you lie awake analyzing the dream and everything in your life that relates to it.

You know that you really aren’t okay. You see that you need a plan to make it through your day. You have to sit down and make a list just to make it through a lazy Sunday afternoon. You can’t stop thinking about what needs done and how you should be doing it right away.

This anxiety has made it difficult to even write this piece. It is the feeling of being great at conversation but terrible at making close friends because you don’t always feel up to going out. You only text back when you are ready to. You feel as though your friends would despise you if they only knew what was really going on in your head.

You have learned to channel it as much as possible. You try to do everything right to make the racing thoughts slow down. You follow the list and check off the errands. Still, the panic and overwhelming thoughts are still there, still tormenting your mind. You wonder when it will ever stop.

Having high-functioning anxiety means you are constantly managing your emotions. It may depend on a lot of factors, such as how much sleep you get, the weather, or what stage the moon is in. So many factors can affect your mood.

It means that you have to learn how to live with it. You challenge the voices in your head that tell you that you aren’t worth much because you haven’t done much that day. You learn that you have to ask for help when you need it. It means learning that confiding in a friend is important. It means going out to events even when you are scared to show up. It means fighting the feelings that say you are not worth it.

You have to learn that your feelings and thoughts are completely valid. That just because you don’t feel as though you are enough, this doesn’t make it true. You have to stand up to the voices in your head telling you that you are a failure. You have to let your nervous energy inspire you, not bring you down. It also means that you can forgive yourself when the voices win once in a while.

You have to learn to win with your constant companion. Your twin that torments and bullies you. You can’t just pretend that it isn’t there. You have to take the first step and call it by the right name- high-functioning anxiety.

Remember, you aren’t happy just because you are still functioning. You need to slow down and breathe once in a while. You have to learn how to live in the moment and just be one with yourself. Even if it is just a short, quiet moment. Try to enjoy the peace that you feel before you feel forced to move again. Doing this over and over is the first step to a happy, normal life.

It’s a start, and it’s okay.

Do you relate to this a little too well? Show this article to your friends and family with and without anxiety - we need to spread the word about what high-functioning anxiety is really like.