War Of Words Erupts Over Question About Whether It’s Acceptable For A 30-Year-Old To Date A 19-Year-Old

Nov 28, 2022 by apost team

Large age gaps in relationships tend to prompt an eyebrow raise — think Catherine Zeta-Jones and her 25-year age difference with her husband Michael Douglas, or Nick Jonas and his wife Priyanka Chopra being 10 years apart. Arguments over large age gaps can prompt questions about maturity, consent, an imbalance of power and control issues of the parties involved. For these reasons and more, a fiery debate was triggered when a Reddit user by the handle u/hazelnutmacchiato1 posted a query concerning how appropriate it was for a teenager to be in a relationship with an older person.

“What is your opinion on a 30-year-old dating a 19-year-old?” was the question posed. A flurry of more than 17,500 comments ensued in the post, which was also 77% upvoted. Many shared their own personal experiences in relationships with large age gaps, including marriages.

“Met my ex-husband when I was barely 21 and he was 29. Married for 24 years, most of them miserable for me. I guess the simple reason is that I grew up and changed, and he was already grown and stayed the same. We've since both moved on to much more compatible partners, but he still says, "I never should have married someone so young!” read one comment.

“When I was 20 I started dating my now-husband who was 30 at the time. We are now nearly-40 and nearly-50. When I was 20 I thought I was plenty mature. Looking back I was NOT. There has been a number of things on which our being at different life stages was a much bigger deal than I would have anticipated. … The difference really isn’t fair to both parties. It’s a rare situation where it works out ok. I wouldn’t count on it,” u/Assika126 wrote.

The post, which was posted in September 2021, drew heated responses from the Reddit community, many of whom pointed to the differences in maturity levels as being the primary concern.

“Personally, I think it’s weird. A 19-year-old is basically fresh outta high school, barely an adult mentally. A 30-year-old is a full-grown adult who is way older, mentally and physically,” u/ShadowFire786 wrote.

“As a 29-year-old I don’t date someone unless they are 24 to 25+. It’s more so the maturity gap and the phase in which most gals are in between 22 to 24 — right outta college, not really settled down yet, still partying like they’re in college, and don’t know what they want. I know it's not the same for everyone, but that’s the main reason,” u/Shiggs13 commented.

“For real first thought was how can the 30-year-old stand to be around the 19-year-old,” u/LFAFL chipped in.

“Yea I dated a 23-year-old when I was 30 and the maturity gap was pretty significant. Don't get me wrong she was gorgeous, but I'll never do that again,” u/JamesonGuy007 added.

“It’s not the age gap, it’s the mind gap,” u/fogdevil_s explained.

Others cited their own experience for giving them perspective on what they now believe to be an unhealthy pairing. “At 19, I dated a 32-year-old man… at the time I didn't see a problem with it. Now that I'm 29, I think it's disgusting and predatory. It was my most toxic and devastating relationship and has scarred me for life, I'm sure,” user u/daytime_nightime wrote.

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“I was dating a 33-year-old man at 18. He started grooming me at 17. I’m 24 now and even at this age I’ve started to realize how disgusting it would be to try to date someone that young. I would never in a million years think it would be OK for me to date a teenager, let alone at 33??” u/dillydallyally97 commented.

However, many also shared positive experiences about dating despite a large age gap.

“I met my wife when I was 20, and she was 38. Been married now for 15 years and still going strong. We have similar outlooks on life, we get along brilliantly, and never argue. Happiest I've ever been, and wouldn't change a thing. It works for some, age isn't everything. The only downside is she gets to retire before I do, but having a job I love doesn't make that much of an issue,” u/TheDraggo shared.

“My now-husband and I met when I was 18 and he was 32. Thirteen years on we are still together, still happy, and I’ve watched my friends’ (who were with more ‘age appropriate’ people) marriages and relationships crash and burn. I don’t think it’s about age, I think it’s about mental and emotional readiness to commit to a person," u/midgeygem42 stated.

While the debate is sure to rage on for a while, u/overhandright shared a balanced view on the matter.

“I feel age is a false metric in a way. As people date and learn and grow in life, there is no guarantee anyone will stay together. The age gap is another variable for sure, but I think there are so many variables. It doesn't make a lot of sense to attempt to predict the future of any relationship. Even though we all try.”

What are your thoughts on large age differences in relationships? Have you ever been in a relationship with a huge age gap? Let us know and be sure to pass this along to get your friends and families to get their view on the matter.