Use Your MBTI To Determine If Your Relationships Are Based On Need Verses Want

Jun 11, 2018 by apost team

If you give someone a fish, they’ll eat for a day. If you teach someone to fish, they’ll eat for a lifetime. It’s the same premise between need and want in relationships. Someone may be temporarily happy with a relationship they want, but to have a lifetime of happiness, need also has to be considered. What better to guide both need and want than the facets of your personality? 

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, or MBTI, is a personality test based on the theory that human personalities are composed of four dimensions: 

• How you focus your attention - E (Extroversion) or I (Introversion.) 
• How you take in info - S (Sensing) Or N (iNtuition.) 
• How you make decisions - F (Feeling) or T (Thinking.) 
• How you deal with the world - J (Judging) or P (Perceiving.) 

The test shows you your dominant personality characteristics, and these characteristics can then be applied to determine what you need verses want in a relationship. Let’s explore the combinations. 

Want:
A mystery. They’ll be totally unpredictable and a constant challenge. You thrive off trying to figure him/her out and seeing the parts they keep hidden and guarded from the rest of the world. It validates both you and your relationship status in being ‘the one’ able to crack someone else’s emotional walls. 

Need:
Spontaneity without it becoming spastic and erratic. A supportive partner will allow your ideas to flow freely, even helping you find ways to make them come to fruition. They’ll allow you to be the dreamer as they reign you back from when your feelings and thoughts lead you too far from reality. 
 

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Want:
Book cover from a romance novel. They’ll be the match for your idealized notion of romance. They hold the secret to happiness and make every day seem like the fairytale ending from your favorite book, and you desperately want to grasp their magnificent self and ride off into the sunset created by your pairing. 

Need:
Your partner should have a firm grasp on the must-do aspects of life, such as work, and be independently motivated. They’ll spur you to think beyond your comfort zone and take your rose-colored glasses off when necessary, but they’ll also allow you to have your needed moments of romanticizing life. While this partner may not make life the endless champagne and long walks on the beach of romance novels, they will show you how beautiful life can be on the other side of weathered storms. 

Want: 
A saint. You crave a patient partner capable of enduring the endless testing you’ll place on their limits. Innocence and inexperience intrigue you since you like being the introducer of firsts for your partners, and they’ll need to be willing to keep up with all your adventurous ideas. 

Need: 
Best suited to your need is a partner immune to your pushy tactics. They should be of equal intelligence and confidence, but also be open-minded. Taking on the world should be a mutual feat accomplished side-by-side, not by you dragging someone struggling to keep up behind you.

Want:
The giver. Relentless pursuit is what you’re after. Your partner puts in 100% effort so that you can sit back perfectly aloof and enjoy the spoils of an easy relationship. 

Need:
You need an intelligent partner making you work for the reward of a relationship to see its value. He/she will be capable of making you actually crave their time and attention over spending time doing your own thing. They’ll even be strong enough to occasionally push you out of your comfort zone every so often. 
 

Want:
Helpless Moe. Since you often want to feel needed, valuable, and wanted, you desire partners in constant need of saving. Your ideal notion of a partner is someone who sits back and allows you to handle and organize most every aspect of their life. 

Need:
What you need in a partner isn’t someone who needs you. They’re highly self-motivated and have their own goals and dreams lined up. They prove they truly want and value you by taking your hand and telling you that all they need from you is to join them on the journey. 

Want: 
A showboat, whether that be the successful suit, the adored athlete, or the nerdy next Bill Gates. You want to be able to immediately idealize the relationship as top-notch, cream of the crop perfection and be able to see wedding bells and 2.2 kids. Of course, this is someone everyone else wants, but that you alone will be able to make commit and settle down for the long haul. 

Need:
Balance should be your focus. This will be a man/woman not afraid to commit and invest. They’ll shine brightly to you because they add value, stability, and partnership to your life. Instead of taking a backseat and being someone’s plus one, you’ll both be on the same page and playing field of life. 

Want 

A shadow. Compliance and complacency from someone without a voice of opposition is what you think you want. You get the first and final word in the relationship. You’re the lead. You’re never questioned. You always get your way. Basically, you want to be in a relationship with a mute shadow. 

Need: 
Who you need is open-minded and not afraid to speak up when something goes against their nature, boundaries, or self-interest. They’ll support your ambition and drive, but they’ll also never allow it to steamroll their own. Your personality will allow this because your match will be able to access and draw out that softer side of you that few see. 

Want:
The life-long bachelor. They may be scattered, unstable, and unpredictable, but you still crave them because everyone wants and accepts them as they are... yet, no one has been able to actually get them. Remember George Clooney before he decided to finally get married? Yeah, that kind of unobtainable, and you just want to be his Amal. 

Need:
Your partner will appreciate your stability and the routine you add to their life, but they don’t require it to be the glue that holds them together and in place. They’ll respect your traditionalist way of doing things but still be able to lure you out of your shell a little on occasion. You’ll be able to freely open yourself up without the risk of your heart and mind getting trampled and compromised. 

Want:
The needy slacker. You’re the caretaker, and your partner allows the imbalance of effort because you want to pour your entire being into pleasing, caring for, and saving him/her. You can get lost in the shuffle of being someone else’s superhero. 

Need: 
Matched effort. Your partner will willingly open up to you without prying, bargain, or sacrifice on your part. Your needed partner will never sit back and allow you to shoulder more weight than you should; they’ll share the load, but also still allow you to shine where and how you’re most talented. 

Want:
The illusionist. Much like a magic trick, you want a partner that you must try to figure out and be awed by continually. This situation is safe for you. This person is always so distant that it’s impossible for you to get attached or invested. You avoid getting hurt, but you’re still able to get the emotional rush from the magic show they perform daily. 

Need:
A friend - a loyal, trusted, compassionate, and weather-ready friend - to stick whether times are good, bad, happy, sad, prosperous, or unrewarding. This person will see your faults and vulnerabilities. They won’t stay or run because of them; they’ll stay because of the connection that runs deeper than any surface cracks. 

Want:
The blubbering fool. He/she immediately swoons over you, strokes your ego, and devotes every moment to you. 

Need: 
Strength of character is needed. Someone not intimidated in challenging your erratic impulsiveness and to help you dig to the root of why it is you do the things you do. They’ll see the darker parts of your personality without fear or blinders and still want you for you. They’ll understand that there are times you need to run freely and have them waiting as your safe place. 

Want:
Carefree Joe. Really, they could be anyone. You just want them to have the same causal, carefree, easy to detach from attitude as yourself. You don’t want to be bothered, smothered, or expounded upon. It’s someone, most likely already in your circle somehow, to fill the gaps. 

Need: 
You may be overwhelmed by someone not afraid to express their connection to you, feelings for you, and desire to share something deeper with you, but this is what you need from a partner. This person honestly being forthcoming about themselves will spur you to know them beyond the surfaces. They’ll know when and how much space versus devotion to give you. 

Want:
Lust at first sight. You want to immediately feel an attraction to your partner, and you tend to feel it often since you bore easily and are always pondering your options. You want things to jump around and move at lightning speeds so that you can feel a rush of intensity every second of every day. 

Need: 
Someone capable of showing you that stability doesn’t equate to being a stick in the mud. They’ll prove, however, that they’ll stick around through even the hardest of times. You’ll want to stop shuffling through your playbook and options for the deeper connection and grounding point this partner will provide for you. 

Want:
An alien space cadet. You want distance and a lot of space. The ideal relationship in your mind is - ‘don’t call me; I’ll call you.’ You want to be so much on separate universes that you can’t really even label relationships as “relationships.” 

Need:
That right someone will be able to put you at ease as they bulldoze through the walls you’ve meticulously built to protect yourself. They won’t get frustrated when they have to replace the engine quite a few times. Your passive nature, artistic side, and need to go slow and steady will be accepted. 

Want:
An Olympic partner. You want someone capable of matching your every move in synchronized stride. They’d be as assertive, driven, confident, and intelligent as you so that the pair of you could dominate the playing field of life. 

Need: 
A partner for you needs to be less abrasive in how they attack their ideas and accomplishments. They’re successful, yes, but they’re also humble and modest in those successes. And, they’re not timid about challenging the way you think; success doesn’t just have one path. Your dominant personality is complementary to your partner, encouraging him/her in their own pursuits rather than intimidating them into following your pursuits, your way. 

Want:
A fluid enigma. They’ll argue with you, be complicated and allow you to over analyze every facet of those complications, be completely unaffected by you remaining guarded and emotionally detached, and allow logic versus emotion to rule the tenets of the relationship. You despise anything that becomes stagnant, mundane. 

Need: 
Your partner will be the key that allows you to turn the logical part of your brain off and your feelings and emotions on. They’ll have an array of goals and notions on how to improve life and encourage you to do the same. They won’t be afraid to explore the unknown parts of themselves and encourage you to do the same. Together, you’ll be able to realize the best versions of who you need to be for happiness and success. 

So, which personality type are you? Do you go with relationships that you want, or do you gravitate to relationships that you need? We’d love to hear your thoughts, questions, and stories.