To My Firstborn - Thank You For Your Patience As I Figure Out Life With 2 Kids

Apr 05, 2019 by apost team

Your morning smoothie is dangerously balancing on top of one of your toy cars. In just a few seconds, the whole beverage will be spilled onto the ground. I’m not sure if this will make you laugh your head off or cry with defeat. There are socks scattered all over the house, your breakfast is splattered all over the table that I just cleaned and I spilled an entire container of pasta noodles onto the ground

You just had a tantrum because the dog chose to nap instead of playing with you. And to make matters worse, all of this is getting to me. I’m frustrated, overwhelmed, and not sure how to keep it together.

apost.com

You run around the house with the energy that only a young child can possess while I rock your newborn sibling to sleep. While you try to tell me stories about dinosaurs, the dreams you had, or mysterious creatures from your storybooks, you keep my mind at ease for a few moments.

But I begin daydreaming about the times that it was just the two of us. We were best friends, together every single day, playing and running and talking and laughing.

But then I had another child. Your sibling, who I fell in love with instantaneously. I felt the same way when you were born. The connection between a mother and her children is indescribable.

But in your eyes, he’s probably more of a nuisance than anything. He took away most of my attention from you when you’re used to being the center of my universe. And you probably don’t understand yet how you’re supposed to love this new person.

So while I sit, tending to your infant sibling, I have feelings of grief and guilt come over me. I watch you play with your toys by yourself, something that we had always does together. You’ve never had to play alone because I always had my full attention on you. But now that I have to tend to someone else, I’m starting to feel guilt at the prospect of not paying as much attention to you as I used to be able to. 

Having to tell you “no” when you ask to do something with me kills me inside. It seems like every time I want to play, I have to feed your sibling or give him a bath.

These feelings are hurtful. It feels like no matter how hard I try, one of you is being neglected or ignored. But there’s something that you need to understand. When your sibling was born, my love for you didn’t cut in half so that I could make room for both of you. It actually doubled, so that I could love both of you even more.

However, the time that I have didn’t double. So sometimes, that has to be distributed between the two of you. Trust me, I wish that I could create a clone of myself so that both of you could be tended to at all times.

When you try to curl up next to me and your sibling, you accidentally bump him in the head with your knee. This makes both of you start crying, but it’s the perfect time to hold both of you even tighter and console you. When another day comes to an end, the moon shines and our world is completely black and quiet.

While I feed your brother before bed, I think about our day together. Even though things might not have gone exactly how I wanted them to, our day was still perfect. Because I have you.

Today, you still told me you loved me when I put you down to sleep. It's the best feeling in the world. Just when I think I'm losing your good graces because my time is split a little differently these days, you remind me that I'm wrong. Although we didn’t have time to go to the park throughout our chaotic day, you forgave me.

You know that I’ll try to make us have a better day tomorrow and every day that passes after that. Maybe my failures are not as big as I perceive them. Even though we have a new member of the family now, things don’t have to change. You’ll always be my best friend, my first born, and my first love.

Can you identify with this? Has life with two kids gotten easier for you? Let us know in the comments and pass this along to your friends and family to see if they identify with this, too!