There's No Shame If 2018 Wasn't Your Year

Jan 07, 2019 by apost team

I would like to be able to tell you that 2018 was the best year of my life so far. I would like to be able to tell you that I know that 2019 will be even better. I would like to be able to look back on all of the outstanding, life-changing, memorable experiences I've had over the past year. I would like to look back at each month and replay the events with honesty and sincerity, but to tell you the truth, I don't really remember much of what happened. 2018 came and went and unfortunately, it was a year that I would describe, for the most part, as uneventful and insignificant.

When I look back at 2018 overall, it went by very fast. I do believe that there were good times, but I really don't remember any of the details. I know that there were hard times, but I don't remember how I felt while I was in them. I don't remember any times that made me laugh so hard that my stomach ached. There were times when I thought my life was falling apart, but I can't remember the details of those times either.

One thing I do know though is that I laughed a lot. I also know for sure that I cried a lot. I also know that there were times when my anxiety took over my day-to-day activities. I can definitely tell you that there were many days when I woke up, got out of bed, and literally questioned myself about what I was doing with my life. On the flip side, I also know that I was able to spend time with many of the most special people I know, and there were times when I felt as if I was living the very best life I could. Along with the good memories are the bad memories of the night that I had a breakdown in the bathroom and cried the most gigantic tears until my eyes felt like they had dried out.

apost.com

This past year reminded me of just how challenging life could be. Even though I cannot recall specific details of all of the little moments, I do know that I have been changed by the events of 2018. Through both the good experiences and the bad ones, this past year definitely affected me. During the hardest times, it showed me just how difficult life could be. It reminded me how every day — even every hour — can feel like an uphill battle. It showed me how loneliness feels. It showed me the despair that uncertainty can bring to the surface of your emotions. There were even times when I believed that life was hopeless and that things just would not get any better.

However, despite all of the down feelings, 2018 also affected me for the better. This past year taught me to keep pushing and never give up, even when I didn't think I could keep going. I also learned that joy and pain aren’t necessarily isolated experiences and that those two emotions can co-exist, even within the same hour. It taught me that every day was a chance to start over and that there are times and situations that are not always as horrible as we may first think they are. I even learned that sometimes, what we consider small victories are actually the most important victories of all, and that these small victories should be cherished and celebrated as much as, if not more than, the big victories.

2018 wasn’t my best year. It actually happened to be one of my most difficult and strenuous years. It was a year in which I shed more tears than most. However, through all of the grief and exhaustion I experienced, it still affected me like no other year before it. It helped me to understand that things really can change in an instant and that, even when a situation seems hopeless, there's always sunshine after the storm.

I also learned that even if I haven't seen much sunshine yet, there is still more sunshine to come. The sun is going to shine again. 2018 taught me that one bad day doesn’t mean that you will have a bad life. It also taught me that I am a survivor and that after I make it through a challenge, I can come out even stronger. I learned that although it may not seem like there will be a happy ending, things often turn out better than you expect them to and what we create in our minds often doesn't match with reality. I now understand that sometimes our minds make life seem to be something more difficult and more terrifying than it is in reality. I also learned that in order to be honest and respectful with myself, I had to be both compassionate and patient with myself.

This past year was not one of my favorites. It was exhausting and traumatic and everything in between. But it still had its moments that I would not trade for anything. It still had its gifts and teachable moments that I wouldn’t erase, even if I could.

Starting a new year can give you a sense of freedom, but it can also be a source of stress. Sometimes, when we set goals and expectations for ourselves, we also set ourselves up for the fear that goes along with thinking that we won't be able to achieve those goals and expectations. Sometimes, saying out loud what we hope for can make us dreadful and pessimistic. So this year in 2019, rather than hoping that it is the best year of my life, I hope instead to have the strength to see the good things that are in store for me. I want to smile more than I frown, and I want to view challenges as opportunities to explore my curiosity rather than as roadblocks that will prevent me from reaching my goals. I hope that the good experiences this year outweigh the bad, and I will try my best to allow my mind to be more at peace than it was last year.

Instead of making resolutions for the new year, I will just live my life. I will just experience life. I will do my best to make life interesting and exciting. I will accept both the ups and the downs, and I will focus on being okay.

2019 doesn't have to be the best year of my life. I just want to have a good year. And even though I've had doubts, fears, and feelings of despair about the last 365 days, this year, I truly believe that I am going to be okay.

Did your 2018 leave you feeling a little lost as well? Let us know how you experienced 2018 and be sure to pass this article on to your loved ones to give them a little hope for 2019!