The Draining Effect Of Socialization On Extroverts And Introverts

Jun 05, 2018 by apost team

Two people walk into a bar and wake up with very different hangovers. No, the difference isn’t in the drinks, but rather in how their personalities engage socialization. One is an introvert. The other is an extrovert. 

It’s been a long week of work and it’s time to unwind with friends on a Friday night at a local bar. The band is jamming and people are packed like sardines as they sway, outfitted in beer-goggles and beer-hearing aids.

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Our extrovert is excitedly soaking everything in and is immediately determining what opportunity to go after first - the drinks, friends, attractive strangers, or perhaps a stage dive. Decision made, he takes off in pursuit of fun and good times. 

Meanwhile, our introvert is nervously hovering near the door determining if it’s too late to redirect himself toward home for a solo Netflix marathon. Obligation moves him forward to meet his friends, where he quietly waits to be acknowledged and offered a subsequent action, such as a drink or dance. Despite being overwhelmed, our introvert talks himself into relaxing and having ‘fun.’ 

Most introverts can convince themselves into having fun, or at least pretending to have fun, but it’s not sustainable. They may enjoy catching up with friends and allow themselves to relax enough to socially engaged for a short time . But, as the extrovert is throwing down and looking like they're ready for round two through twenty, our introvert is tired and ready to call it a night. 

This tiredness isn’t just the yawn of a needed catnap. This is fatigue on a level where the introvert’s body and mind have turned into a limp dishcloth. He’s in the beginning stages of an introvert hangover. Why is it that some people tire so quickly and strongly from socialization? 

Now, the above is just a case and point example. All situations aren’t parties, involving alcohol, and most of us live on a sliding scale of introvert to extrovert verses being completely one or the other. The difference for most in acting introverted to extroverted is as much situational, circumstantial, and motivational and it is intrinsic to a personality type. According to many researchers, such as Analytical Psychology founder Carl Jung, there’s no such thing as a purely extrovert nor introvert personality. 

Research has actually found that socializing is tiring for everyone because it expends energy to listen, speak, process, and engage. One study found that both extroverts and introverts in a given situation both tired after just three hours of socializing. 

Yet, there are some very tangible differences in people exhibiting introvert verses extrovert behaviors. It comes down to reward. Being outgoing enough to talk to a stranger, for example, can be rewarded with a new friend or first date. Being assertive at work, for example, could land a promotion. 

According to some studies, extroverts have more activity in their reward center of the brain, which is controlled by dopamine. Introverts simply aren’t as engaged in or excited by the possibility of reward, resulting in the introvert not being as driven to chase socialization opportunities. 

A less active dopamine reward system can make high levels of noise, stimulation, and activity tiring and punishing for the introvert, not the rewarding and fulfilling experience it is for the extrovert. This explains why overstimulation can leave extroverts completely drained. 

It’s not necessarily a bad thing to not chase every reward. Chasing rewards too often and too hard often comes at a stiff price. The workaholic, for example, often sacrifices family time and their personal health. The funaholics often pause long enough to realize they don’t have a lot of substance in their lives. 

Meanwhile, those with a predominant introvert personalities spend a lot of time inwardly pondering the meaning of things. They learn new things because of the time spent reflecting on themselves, and they tend to seek depth, intimacy, and quality over quantity. Professionally, introverts favor passion and connection over just a source of income. 

Luckily, most of us have a sliding scale from the shallowest of extroverted behaviors to the deepest of introverted behaviors. It’s the balance and healthy mix of both types that most psychology experts agree is the key to a happy, healthy, successful life. 

How do you spend most of your time - chasing rewards or seeking meaning? Do you feel balanced in having big moments of fun and opportunities to shine brightly with quiet reflective movements and opportunities to meaningfully connect?