Son Refuses To Change Dad's 'Insulting' Gravestone Message Selected By His Wife

Sep 24, 2021 by apost team

Losing a loved one is never easy, but there are some ways to help people grieve and lovingly remember the ones they lost. Whether it’s keeping a blanket that your grandmother had sewn together or a birthday card from a relative that is no longer here, it’s comforting to know that there are some small treasures that we can hold on to that help keep our loved ones’ memories alive. Another common way that many people honor their family members or friends that have passed is by writing something incredibly sweet and memorable on their gravestone.

When one man passed away, his wife decided to put her own spin on gravestone engraving. Their relationship had not been the best near the end of her husband’s life, so she decided to write exactly what she really felt about him on his gravestone. She still had some kind words in the statement but made sure to explain the main wrong-doing that her husband had performed during a good majority of their relationship.

Understandably, the rest of the family was not particularly happy when they went to pay their respects and saw what had been written on the man’s tombstone. They begged his son, a tech worker, to pay to change the writing, but the son refused to remove the “insulting” message. This caused a ripple of problems within the family. The son went to Reddit on Sept. 21, 2021, to ask Redditors if he was wrong for not bending to the rest of his family’s wishes while standing up for his mother.

At the beginning of his Reddit post, the original poster (OP) explained that his parents’ relationship had been “very bitter” toward the end of his father’s life. “He had a long running affair with another married co-worker and got her pregnant before he passed,” the OP said. “He was planning to leave mom, skip the country and move to Canada to start a new life with her.” The couple had already started putting their plan into action and even had a house picked out.

The OP’s father had moved out and started living with his pregnant co-worker when he suddenly died of a heart attack while having an affair with her. It was a shock to the OP and his family, especially his mother, since she was still legally married to the OP’s dad. “Divorce papers were never filed, no legal separation,” the OP explained. “They were in the process of moving all things legal. But on paper, they were still happily married.”

The OP and his siblings had previously all moved out of their childhood home prior to their father’s death, meaning his mother was left to take care of the estate by herself. The OP decided to go back to his hometown to help his mom out, but he let her take the reins on anything they did, including coming up with what to put on his father’s gravestone. Clearly angry and hurt by his father’s action, the OP’s mother didn’t hold back when she finally made her decision on what to write on the gravestone. She wrote: “In loving memory of John Doe, son, husband, father and adulterer."

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It was a bold statement, but it was the truth. Understandably, though, the man’s family and his pregnant partner were furious about the situation and wanted the OP to fix it. However, the OP didn’t have an issue with what his mother had decided to put on his father’s gravestone. “I personally think it’s fine, that’s who he was,” the OP explained. “He was all of those things. And since it’s my mom’s plot, I can’t do anything.”

Fortunately for the OP, many Reddit users took his and his mother’s side and agreed that he didn’t need to change anything. One user commented, “Your mother has every right to mark her shared plot with whatever sentiments suit her. Your father’s apologists and side piece can erect a monument of their choosing somewhere that belongs to them.”

Another Reddit user commented, “Your mom is an icon… Also, while going through estate papers and talking to lawyers, ask about what rights the side piece will have in claiming money for her kid, since it was your dad’s kid too.” The OP gave users an update and replied, “Side piece is currently 9 months pregnant, about to pop anyday. My mom has lawyered up and since my dad died intestate, according to our state laws everything goes to my mom.” 

The OP continued, “Mom won’t leave anything for side piece. She is going to leave it for us once she passes.” Although the gravestone marking wasn’t what everyone wanted to see, the OP stood by his mother’s decision and made sure to remind everyone just what kind of person his father really was.

Do you think this son was right to leave his father’s gravestone marking as is, or should he try to change it? Let us know, and be sure to pass this along to your family members and friends to find out what they think, too.