Parents Online Are Discussing The Bodily Autonomy Of Their Kids And Teaching Them Consent Regardless Of What Grown-Ups Say

Sep 16, 2021 by apost team

As the 17th-century saying “Spare the rod, spoil the child” shows, parenting has constantly evolved throughout history. In 18th-century Europe, parents would send their children to live in the country with a wet nurse, a woman who would breastfeed and raise the infant for pay. And back in the 1960s, mothers would still smoke and drink while they were pregnant. Both of these likely sound ridiculous — if not outright evil — by today’s parenting standards. The upshot is that the idea of a “good parent” isn’t a fixed concept; mothers and fathers everywhere are always trying new things and taking inspiration from social movements and other historical developments.

One emerging idea in the world of parenting in the 21st century is the idea of bodily autonomy. Teaching a child about bodily autonomy means teaching them that they — and they alone — get to decide what happens to their own body. That means that if anyone wants to touch, hug or kiss you, then they have to ask before doing so. The idea is that educating kids about bodily autonomy might help them resist predatory behavior, and more generally, it teaches children about proper boundaries and consent.

One August 2019 discussion surrounding bodily autonomy went viral on Tumblr, where a group of parents spoke to their feelings about the importance of teaching their children how to say no to unwanted displays of affection — even if it makes other people in the room uncomfortable. The discussion is part of a larger debate online. Another popular proponent of bodily autonomy is Brittany Baxter, an Australian mom who posts videos on TikTok.

“I legit had to mom-voice some random woman with a ‘she said no!’ when she tried to force a hug on Madison. (who was not very good at verbalizing to people she didn’t know/trust at the time),” one mother explained on Tumblr.

“She replied, ‘I just want a hug, it won’t hurt her.’ Me: She. Said. No,” the mother continued.

Another Tumblr user who works with 5-year-olds agreed with this mother’s stance on bodily autonomy, writing about how they teach children about the importance of consent.

“I had a very long talk with them about permission and that your body belongs to yourself and no one else. ‘Even if you want to hug your friend, you need to stop and ask if it’s okay and if they don’t want you to touch them, you should respect that choice and not do it.’ they were like ‘cool’ and then every time after that they had no problem asking their friends ‘can I give you a hug?’ Or ‘can I hold your hand?’ Very politely. If their friend said no, they shrugged and went on with their life,” they explained.

Brittany Baxter, an Australian mom, has passionately supported similar ideas through a series of TikTok videos, where she explains that all grandparents should be asking for permission before hugging her then 2-year-old daughter. She also goes further and says that no one has a right to demand any physical affection from her daughter. This video, uploaded in April 2021, has since led to debates about whether this practice is fair or valid, and it has a lot of people joining in on the conversation. For Baxter, however, there is only one way to talk about it: asking for consent applies to everyone.

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What do you think about parents who advocate for fostering bodily autonomy? Would you let your child’s grandparents hug them without consent? Let us know — and be sure to pass this on and ask what your friends think.