Not The Beginning, Not The End But It's The Middle Part Of Marriage That Makes Or Breaks A Person

Nov 03, 2018 by apost team

Many married people would agree that their marriages go through phases as the years go by. As a newlywed, you enjoyed the newness of married life and often experienced a lot of passion and romance during this early stage of your marriage. But after a few years of being married and raising kids, you might find yourself in a difficult situation.

That spark that you felt when you said, “I do” has faded and maybe even grown cold. What does this mean? Do you still love each other? Is your marriage doomed? Here are a few things to consider as you make your way through those middle years of your marriage.

Like many brides, you might feel stuck in that middle part of your marriage. You might look at your husband in a completely different way than you did during your first year together. You might find yourself wondering, “Who is this guy? Why did I marry him? I don’t even know him anymore.”

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As the years pass, your husband will go through some changes. You might be on board with some of them, but others will leave you feeling a bit of a disconnect. And sometimes it might seem like he changed, but the reality turns out to be that you simply didn’t know him as well as you thought you did at the beginning.

Again, not all of these changes are bad. But they can make things difficult.

And here’s the thing: you will likely go through some changes too. Just as your husband might feel like a stranger on occasion, he might feel the same way about you.

This article by David Ludden, professor of psychology at Georgia Gwinnett College, in Psychology Today talks about how many women experience major shifts in their personality and worldview when they become wives and mothers.

Holding that little life in your arms has a way of changing you. It causes you to re-examine your beliefs, your goals and your priorities. You might find yourself caring about things that never mattered before. And you might also find that activities that seemed important in the past now seem trivial.

These changes might create gaps between you and your spouse, because you might find that some of the things you had in common just aren’t there anymore. As long as you both can accept that people do go through changes in their lives, then it doesn’t have to mean that your marriage is in trouble.

This middle phase of your relationship can actually be an exciting and passionate time for you and your spouse. It gives you a chance to reconnect and get to know each other again as if for the first time.

If you approach these years with open hearts and open minds, you might find yourselves falling in love all over again as you explore the changes that you both have been going through.

Carol Church, lead writer, SMART Couples, Department of Family, Youth and Community Sciences, University of Florida explains that when you are committed to your marriage and are able to accept and embrace change, it can really help you take your relationship to a much deeper level filled with a sense of happiness, meaning and peace.

• Does any of this ring true in your marriage?
• Do you feel like you and your husband have become two strangers living in the same home?
• Does this make you feel nervous, sad and depressed?

Or does it pique your curiosity and make you want to pull closer to your husband, peel back the layers to gain a deeper knowledge of him and take your relationship to a beautiful new level?

Take some time to think about the changes that you have experienced in your marriage over the years. Then let us know what insights you have gained about your marriage along with any questions that remain.