Not Happy? Find Out Why and Change It

Jun 11, 2018 by apost team

All of a sudden, you can find yourself in a tremendous funk. The problem is that it can not only last for weeks, months, and even longer, but quite often you an have absolutely no idea why you even began to feel that way or how to turn the feeling around into something more positive. 

Life often gives us different reasons for being happy, and it can sometimes be very difficult to sift through all our experiences to find the root of the unhappiness we feel and get back to more moments where everything just seems to connect and flow without incidences of catastrophe or chaos. There are several ways you can utilize to contemplate why that unhappy feeling just won’t go away and how to get back on track to feeling happy again: 

1. You are Accentuating the Negative Instead of the Positive 

Overall, your life may be pretty good but are may not realize that all of your attention and anxiety is on that small percentage of experiences that have not turned out the way you wanted them to be and you translate that into an overall bad outlook on your entire life. 

The way to turn this perspective around is by re-focusing on what is good in your life. You can even consciously make a daily list of a handful of experiences that you had that made you feel good about life in general or about yourself. If it is difficult for you to honestly find even four or five good experiences to write down, then that is when you need to think about where your life is truly going and how to generate more good experiences than bad ones. 

You can also literally turn your good experiences into tangible objects if you want to go as far as carrying around a half a dozen or small objects in your purse or pocket. As your day progresses and you have a positive experience, transfer the object from one pocket to another or from one section of your purse to another. You can then literally sit and count how many happy moments you experienced each day with the goal of having more objects transfer over every day. 
 

Distorting Reality 

Focusing on the negative sometimes occurs when we don’t face reality head-on like we should. In fact, many mental health professionals have determined that we have actual cognitive distortions we put in place to skew reality to our liking such as: 

• Deliberate exaggerations 
• Sweeping generalizations about your "bad luck" 
• Extreme ultimatums 
• Thinking with emotions instead of logic 

Any or all of these can be fixed simply by being mindful of doing them and disciplining yourself to think rationally instead. You can even go as far as to make notes about the kind of irrational thinking you are practicing and ask someone you trust to help you through discussing a rational perspective and solution. 
 

Realizing When It Really Isn’t Good and Fixing It 

There are also times when negative thoughts are not irrational but based on sound intuition. And sometimes bad things do happen in life that can cause you to be authentically unhappy. The key is to not wallow in the misery of a genuinely bad experience but to recognize it, find a solution for it, and then move on from it as best you can and as quickly as you can to return to a happier state of mind. 

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2. You Aren’t in Tune with What Makes You Happy 

The mystery sometimes of what is actually making us feel sad can be caused by not really knowing what makes our life complete. There may be moments when you recognize what a happy moment is in your life when you are actually experiencing it, and then you forget it just as quickly as it occurred. Becoming more mindful of those times in your life, and even going as far as to keep a journal describing them will help to recreate them again in the future. 

This might be something that you have done that you lost yourself in and helped you to forget any worries that you may have had at that moment in time. It could also be activities you do with certain friends or family that you don’t do often enough because you don’t take the time to contact that person as often as you should. 

Anything like this should be noted and repeated as often as possible if it promotes genuine happiness in your life. If you struggle with figuring out just what those things are that trigger your happiness, there are few things you can think about that help: 
 

1. Recognizing Your Uniqueness in Your Approach to Happiness 

You might be looking in the most common places for your happiness triggers instead of realizing that you are not attracted to common activities when it comes to what makes you happy. This might mean that you prefer to do things solo as opposed to constantly having groups of friends with you. Or maybe you are attracted to an eclectic subject and want to explore it all on your own or with a bunch of like-minded eclectic thinkers. 
 

2. Recognize that Doing Something Good Doesn’t Necessarily Make You Feel Happy 

Although your core values may tell you that volunteering at the local shelter is a good thing, it doesn’t necessarily make you happy if you do it. Don’t let feelings of obligation and guilt force you to be a “do-gooder” when it is not necessarily what makes you feel good about yourself and your life. This includes staying at a job that pays really well but it does not feed your soul. As the old adage says, “Doing something purely for the money is always a mistake in the long run.” 

You can remedy this by simply being honest with yourself about what makes you feel good and allows you some enjoyment in your life and filling your life up with those activities as opposed to doing things out of moral, financial, or even emotional obligations. 

There are several books you can consider reading that help you with recognizing just what puts you in a happy state of mind and how to maintain it: 

• SunShines: The Astrology of Being Happy by Michael Lutin 
• Being Happy: You Don't Have to Be Perfect to Lead a Richer, Happier Life 
• by Tal Ben-Shahar 
• Bucket Filling from A to Z: The Key to Being Happy by Carol McCloud and Caryn Butzke 
• Welcome To Your New Life With You Being Happy by Rachel Bell 

3. You Are Ignoring Things That Make You Feel Good About Your Life 

You can also be very aware of what leads to your overall happiness, but you have developed a habit of ignoring it and not practicing it. Usually, this happens because “life gets in the way” meaning there is a building up over time of more responsibilities at work and at home including the commitments we have towards our spouses and children and their happiness. 

You can solve this problem by prioritizing your life. Take an inventory of what your responsibilities actually are at work and at home and designate them where you can. The more tasks you eliminate from the daily activities that you dread, the more likely you will be to have an improved outlook on your life and find enjoyment again in the little things you have been ignoring for so long. This includes extended time alone contemplating your own existence and what it all means to you. Anyone who gives themselves time on a regular basis to do this usually finds great harmony between their work and personal roles and optimal happiness. 

If you have found a way to enrich your life with more happy experiences through your own techniques, we welcome your comments. And let's spread the love and happiness by passing this on to all of your friends and loved ones!