No Punishment Necessary: The Easy Way To Correct A Child's Behavior Using Just 3 Simple Steps

Nov 06, 2018 by apost team

Correcting a child can be very difficult. It's something that all parents deal with and try many different tactics to see what works. What would you think about trying a way that doesn't involve punishment? I would for sure be on board to give it a try!

The director of the Yale Parenting center, Alan Kazdin, has invented a method that does exactly that. He doesn't believe that a child should have to do a timeout when they have done something wrong.

Kazdin says that a lot of times parents will begin to start with reasoning and that usually doesn't get too far. Next, it escalates into shouting, or even dragging their child. These responses can have the best of intentions behind them but wouldn't it be great if you could avoid this mess by trying something that works in the first place?

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You can even purchase his book about it, straight from Amazon. While you are waiting for your book to arrive we can look into his philosophy a little more.

Think about how you try and reason with a two year old. This isn't really working, most of the time anyways. It's like telling a smoker that their cigarettes are bad and they should quite. They are more than likely going to keep on smoking and not care what you think, or may even have some things to say back to you.

Kazdin suggest paying attention to the good behaviors that their child exerts. It sounds simple, but how do you actually put this method into play. There is a three part process that you will go through to actually make the change.

Always stay calm and talk with a gentle voice. When you do this, instead of yelling, you child feels like they are being given a choice.

For example: If your child needs to be putting on their shoes, you would need to speak to him in a gentle voice. Start with telling him that you are both going to put on their shoes now. Ask Ted to then go pick out the color of shoes you want him to wear and follow the statement up with the questions, "ok?". Even though you aren't really asking, it makes them feel like they have a choice in the matter.

I told one of my friends about this method and this is what she reported back to me the other day. She said her 5 year old used to throw horrible tantrums before they would leave out of the house. My friend decided to switch things up and see what happened. She said that her little loved picking out her clothes and getting to make choices with her outfits. This was definitely a win for my friend.

You have already started this step by following step one. Providing your child with a choice is one way to mold their behavior in order to keep them compliant.

Kazdin suggest using games or role playing as a way to keep children's attention and have them going along with what you are wanting to do, without less fussing and arguing. If your child has tantrums, you could try playing a "tantrum game." Ask your child to act like they do when they are having a tantrum, but this time it's pretend and you are setting it up like a game. IE: If hitting is an issue, you could tell them to have the tantrum but they can't hit you. Tell them if they are successful, they will earn two points on their reward chart.

This will encourage your child to act the way that you want them to. You create the scenes and the behavior your going for. This way when the actual scenario occurs, they will hopefully remember what the rules are. When they do, you will have the chance to praise them.

This step is all about rewarding through praise. IE: If your child played the "tantrum game" and was successful, you could tell them they did a great job by not hitting you. Go on to tell them how awesome they were for doing what you asked.

Be sure and use their name when your praising them. This way they know that the praise is really meant for them. You want to repeat the praise in different ways and then encourage them to act like that again.

Rewarding good behavior goes much farther than punishment. Keep praising them every time you see them do something good. This will get it in their brain and hopefully stick really well.

As a mom, I know about tantrums all too well. I think I am going to send this info over to my sister for her to read. I bet you know someone that would love to read about these tips too.