New Mother Tells Husband He Needs To Either Help More With Their Baby Or Quit Medical School

Oct 10, 2021 by apost team

Becoming a parent for the first time is always a challenge, especially when you are balancing school or work on top of your other responsibilities. However, your child's needs should always come first, or at least that's what one new mother told her husband who has been using medical school as an excuse not to do more to help with his baby. The mother got so fed up she gave her husband an ultimatum.

The baby's father shared on Reddit that his wife took their 1-year-old daughter to her mother's house 4-hours away and refused to return unless the husband agrees to help out more. This has put the father in a difficult situation, as he is just beginning medical school and has many years still to complete.

The husband explained that his schedule consists of going to classes for the majority of the day, trying to help out a little when he gets home and then studying in the evening before going to bed. He did not explain what his wife has to experience in a day, but it sounds like neither of them have much free time.  But the husband did say that his anatomy courses will be over in three weeks so his workload should be easier after that.

The wife is skeptical about her husband's workload changing so soon into medical school, and added that she needs help now, not in three weeks. This means the husband needs to quickly decide what he will do. At a loss, he decided to ask other Reddit users what they would do if they were in his situation. Keep reading to find out what others thought this young father should do.

The husband started his Reddit post by sharing: "I'm in medical school. me and my wife and our one year old daughter are about 4 hours away from both of our families. I'm three months into school and my wife has left and taken our daughter to her mom's house 4 hours away and is making an ultimatum. Either I help more with our daughter or she doesn't come back."

The father thinks that by becoming a doctor he will be able to provide a better life for his family, so the sacrifice is worth it. He wrote:

"This is what my days consist of: I go to school from 9-5 and then I come home and try to help a little until about 8pm where I study until about 11 and then do it all over again. I'm really not present a lot. but I'm trying to make a life for us by being a doctor and being able to provide for everyone. My wife doesn't see it like that. I don't know where the issue is in translation but she just doesn't see eye to eye with me."

He continued, "I've told her that anatomy, the hardest part of medical school, ends in three weeks and then I'll be more present. she told me 'you're not understanding. I need help now. not in 3 weeks.' So pretty much either I fail out of medical school and I'm a good parent or I pass anatomy and I'm a terrible father. I'm honestly in tears right now and I don't know what to do. I've worked so hard for this. What would you do?"

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One user shared their experience of being married to a doctor and offered this advice: "As the wife of a doctor, I very much understand the dynamic that is happening here. In that relationship it will take sacrifices from both parties, that is the reality. As other posters have pointed out, this is not going to get easier in 3 weeks when anatomy is over."

The commenter added, "All 4 years will be hard, there are many large licensing exams you will need to spend a lot of time studying for, and then after that there will be 4 years of residency ... with many weeks where all you have time to do is come home, crash, and go back to work. And more board exams on top of that. It will probably be 8-10 years before you can be a substantial and consistent presence at home. That is just the reality of the situation. You need to discuss a way to make that work for the both of you, or you will have this fight many times in the future."

Another person, who put herself through veterinary school while raising her child, wrote: 

"Your commitment to medical school does not override your commitment to be a present parent. I did the same 8-5pm + study whenever possible days you're doing now, and from the moment I got home to the moment he went to sleep, my son came first. There was no 'trying to help' my husband with my son, I was actively playing with him, talking to him, reading to him, changing his dirty pants, feeding him, and doing my equal share of late night wake ups and the hellish long nights when he was sick. The books only came out once he went to sleep."

What advice would you give to this new dad? Is he in the wrong by not doing more to help his wife? Let us know and be sure to send this along to your loved ones.