Mother Says It’s Her Right To Enforce Bedtime Rules On Daughter & Boyfriend — Asks Others’ Opinions

Feb 10, 2022 by apost team

When it comes to parenting, there are a plethora of approaches that mothers and fathers could take. They can choose to be more stern and set specific rules for them to follow, or they could be more relaxed and have almost a friendship with their kids. There are also parents who find that middle line right in between, allowing their children to have fun while still making sure they know that actions can have consequences.

One of the biggest challenges parents can face is knowing when to stop enforcing their own rules and start allowing their children to make their own decisions. For one mother, she seemed to have a hard time letting go of a specific rule in place in her home: her children can’t have a partner sleep in their bed with them until they are married. 

This became a problem for the woman’s grown daughter and her boyfriend when they visited the family for Easter in April 2021. The daughter and her boyfriend went along with the guideline for their trip, but have since cut back on visiting the family because they were not a fan of having to sleep in separate rooms.

Since then, there have been some issues within the family and a handful of arguments have broken out. The parents are on each other’s side, but their two children – one daughter and one son – agree that the rule isn’t necessary. This led the mother to question her choices, and she went to Reddit in April 2021 to ask users if she was wrong for making her daughter sleep in a different bed than her boyfriend.

In her Reddit post, the original poster (OP) talked about how her grown daughter and her daughter’s boyfriend came to visit in April 2021 to celebrate Easter and spend time with the family. “I asked her boyfriend to stay in our guest room, as they aren’t married yet and my husband and I believe it’s inappropriate to share a bed before marriage,” OP said. “Neither her or her boyfriend said anything at the time, but later it came up that they don’t visit more often because we won’t ‘allow’ them to sleep together.”

OP was frustrated by this, explaining that “it’s our house and our rules.” However, her daughter claimed that she respected her parents’ rules. “I pointed out that she was clearly lying about that, since she was withholding her very presence from her own family,” OP said.

At the end of the trip, the couple said they would potentially be back to visit again in July, much to OP’s dismay. She explained, “When I pointed out that she was still trying to punish us (who waits three months in between visits to their parents?), she just left.”

This has since caused a divide within the family. “My husband feels that I’m right and our daughter is being unspeakably rude, but my son thinks we’re in the wrong and it’s ‘not a big deal,’” OP said. She turned to Redditors for their advice, but was met with a lot of backlash as many users believed that OP was in the wrong. They pointed out that her daughter is a grown adult and should be treated like one.

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OP received several comments telling her that it would be wise to potentially change her ways. One user said, “They respect your rule. They just choose not to visit often because of the rule and don’t agree with it. You are choosing your rule over them visiting.”

OP edited her post to give more insights into the situation. OP explained:

“She’s 25 and he’s 26. They’ve been together for three years and living together for two. I didn’t include this because the rule isn’t based on their ages or if they’re cohabitating, so I didn’t think it was important. They will be allowed to share a bed under our roof once they’re married and not a second sooner.”

Redditors were floored that OP was so against letting her grown adult child sleep in the same bed as her long-term partner. One user said, “Do you have the right to set such a rule for your household? Sure you do, no one is stopping you. But this rule infantilizes your adult daughter and trivializes her long-term relationship. This guy might be your son one day, why not treat him like family now?”

OP added a second edit, clarifying that her daughter does not visit very often. She and her boyfriend typically only visit two or three times a year as they have been busy in the past, but OP was expecting them to visit more often since they currently weren’t as busy. “Her brother manages to see us once a month, so we know it’s not too unreasonable of an ask,” OP said.

Do you agree with this mother’s rules for her grown children? Or do you think she should change them? Let us know, and be sure to pass this along to your family and friends, too.