Mother Says Infant Son Crushed Her Marriage, Ended Her Career And Took Over Her Life

Sep 03, 2021 by apost team

Mothers are often expected to sacrifice everything for their children. Whether it’s a woman’s career or social life, many moms have to push their lives to the side until their children are older and can take care of themselves. Despite these potentially significant life changes, not many mothers talk about the hardships of being a parent — especially not on glossy, glamorous TV shows or in the media.

One mother, however, opened up about her struggles as a parent on Reddit’s parenting subreddit in August 2021, asking fellow moms and dads whether what she is going through is normal.

The overwhelmed mother opens her post by writing that she left her job to become a stay-at-home parent when her son was born. Meanwhile, her husband, who she says helps as much as he can, works a demanding job. Daycare, she adds, is out of the question because it “scares” her, and so she is left to care for her son 24/7.

And then the mother begins to complain about her 3-year-old son in an honest and emotional post.

The original poster explains how her entire life has been consumed by her son. Even at night, she has to wake up to take care of him. As a result, she feels like she’s lost her sense of identity — not to mention her non-existent social life. Her question for the Reddit community is whether her situation is normal and whether things will get better for her as her son gets older. Redditors, while not completely in agreement with each other, had some useful advice.

“24/7, I am at my son’s mercy without reprieve,” the mother writes.

“A meal, a conversation, a moment, cannot exist without our child screaming, whining, shoving a toy in our faces, crawling all over us, etc. We barely speak anymore unless it’s about him, because of how demanding he is. He doesn’t play independently at all, and needs constant entertainment. 100% of everything I do is about our son. I have given up all of my hobbies or anything I enjoy for him, because I simply cannot do them with him around,” she adds.

To make matters worse, she explains that her son is not very independent, which means that he “screams” at his mother if she does something on her own. 

“If I try to watch tv, he screams at me for not playing with him, or screams for me to put on Spongebob,” she tells the Reddit community.

Although there is a diversity of opinion, most of the top commenters agree that this woman’s situation is not normal and that she should do something about her son’s lack of independence.

After the top commenter learns that the original poster has childhood trauma, which contributes to her anxiety as a caregiver, he suggests she see a therapist. Additionally, they write that she can put her son in part-time preschool while also insisting that he learn to play independently and sleep through the night.

“Parenting doesn't have to involve this degree of anxiety. You deserve time to yourself, sleep without being woken up 5 times a night, and marriage that involves more than parenting,” the commenter adds.

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Another top commenter agreed.

“You’re going to have to teach him to be independent. Teach him his own jobs and give him a schedule,” they wrote.

The commenter even gave some examples of what she could say to her child: “You will dress yourself in these clothes, because it’s hot today” and “You will play quietly for an hour in your room.”

Another piece of advice that came up often is that this mother should establish “boundaries.”

“Kids are really adaptable and will surprise you with what they can do, but you need to have intentional firm, kind, consistent boundaries to get there,” one Redditor advises.

“If you haven't really set boundaries before, start with a small amount of time. ‘I need you to play by yourself for 5 minutes while I do___’. Set a timer and walk away. You'll have more success if you start with something boring, like washing dishes. You can even use special tv time to get some quiet while you sit in the next room. Then build from there,” they explain.

Nearly everyone was positive in the comments, offering the mother support along with a few parenting tips, though some did seem to criticize the husband for not helping out more. Some Redditors said that it was abnormal that the original poster’s partner can’t parent solo in order to give her a break. One Redditor even suggested that he book a hotel room for his wife so that she could have a breather.

Whatever this overwhelmed mom chooses to do, she has a treasure trove of new parenting ideas that she can use to reclaim her life thanks to the Reddit community.

Do you have any advice for this mom? Have you ever felt overwhelmed as a parent? Let us know — and be sure to pass this on to friends, family members and fellow parents.