Mother Is Horrified To Discover MIL Has Been Bathing With Grandkids Despite Being Told Not To

Nov 23, 2021 by apost team

There are plenty of things that mothers-in-law do that can be frustrating. A lot of the time, the issue is about boundaries, especially if grandkids are involved. One grandma crossed a line when she bathed naked with her grandchildren despite being told not to do so. The mother of the kids was furious when she found out and is left wondering if she should use the photographic evidence she has in her custody hearing.

The mom posted her story to Reddit to get opinions on the matter from other users. She explained in her post that she and her children’s father are separated and he has supervised visitation rights. There were some domestic violence disputes during the relationship and the mom says that her mother-in-law is complicit with this behavior and is a toxic person in general. For these reasons, the mother is trying to get her mother-in-law restricted from the dad’s visits. 

This requires a court hearing and evidence to back up the mother’s claims against the grandma. In her post, the mom explains that she has a photo of her mother-in-law naked in the tub with her children that the grandma sent herself. She wants to know if other users think she should include the bath story and photograph in her testimony to the court. 

Many Reddit users agreed that what the grandma did was problematic, especially because the mother already made it clear that she was uncomfortable with the baths. Some others brought up that in other countries it is normal for children and grandparents to bathe together and the mom was blowing this out of proportion. Keep reading to hear details from this story and to see more reactions.

The mom started off her post by giving some background information about her ex-husband and mother-in-law. She wrote: “So, there are a bunch of reasons grandma is toxic. Dad and I split. He has supervised visitation currently. Grandma is no better. Threatens suicide, false dcfs report against me blames me for domestic violence committed by her son.”

The grandma chose to bathe naked with the children even though she was told explicitly not to. The horrified mother continued, “Anyway, looking at formally restricting her from Dad’s visits for now. One thing included in the court paper is how she bathed with my children. After I said it made me uncomfortable. Like, naked in the tub with my naked 4yo.”

Despite her lawyer and friends already saying that they think she should include the photo, the mother wanted more opinions from people online. At the end of her post, she added: “Question: do I actually include this in the papers? (My) lawyer says yes. Friends of mine say, yes, that’s weird. I don’t want to seem petty. Opinions?”

Most people agreed that bathing naked with children is inappropriate and the mom should bring it up in court. One commenter wrote, "Include it. It shows a pattern of poor judgment.” 

Some pointed out that she should heed her lawyer’s advice. "Include everything that makes you uncomfortable. EVERYTHING," another person added. "Also if your lawyer (who you are paying) is telling you to do something that will help you (and by extension them), it's a good idea to listen to them."

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Many people thought the answer to this question was obvious. A third Reddit user simply said, "In one word: YES."

Other users felt that bathing with children while naked is completely normal and the mom was overreacting. One person said, "I don't get the US. For us, it was normal to bath(e) and shower as kids with our parents and grandparents, or siblings and cousins ..." 

Another commenter replied, adding, “I'm from the US, with at least 4 or 5 generations on both sides. Both my grandmothers got in the tub with me (and I loved the one-on-one time with my Nanas) until I was 5 or 6. I, as a female, still took baths with my male cousins up until I was 8. This was normal for my friends, too. Not sure when this stopped being ok.”

One person brought up as a counterpoint, “It's normal for trusted people. Is it normal there to bathe with a grandparent who has a history of strangeness or bad relationships and bad boundaries with the parent?”

There were also people that explained that in other parts of the world, this is a common occurrence. "In some cultures, this is normal and even considered an important bonding experience," a different user explained. However, they also conceded, "that fact shouldn't stop you from including this in your case if it makes you uncomfortable."

Ultimately, the general consensus was that the mother should bring up the bathing because this isn’t the only issue with the grandma. Another person wrote, "If this was the only problematic behavior, and she was otherwise the perfect MIL and Grandma, you would be overreacting. Because she's already caused issues for you? This isn't overreacting."

What do you think of a grandparent bathing with a child? What advice would you give this mother? Let us know and feel free to pass this along to your friends and family.