Mother-In-Law Refuses To Give Grandchild Breast Milk Because She Thinks It's 'Dirty'

Nov 12, 2021 by apost team

Since the early 20th century, when companies began to sell baby formula, parents have long debated whether it’s a suitable replacement for breastfeeding. A November 2021 post to the subreddit AITA shows that this debate is alive and well. A mother took to Reddit to ask if she was wrong for barring her mother-in-law from babysitting her daughter. This mother decided to keep her baby away from the woman after a disagreement about what they should feed her. As the mother explains in her post, her mother-in-law secretly fed her granddaughter formula while babysitting her even though she had prepared breast milk in bottles.

While most debates surrounding breast milk and baby formula revolve around nutritional value, convenience and cost, this woman’s mother-in-law had a surprising — if not strange — reason why she preferred formula. She claimed that her daughter-in-law’s breast milk is “dirty” because “mothers who have s*x pollute their own bodies.” 

After the original poster (OP) decided that she didn’t want her mother-in-law babysitting her daughter anymore, she got an earful from her husband, who “doesn’t see it was a big deal how she is fed.”

The OP then went to Reddit to ask whether she was wrong for not letting her mother-in-law babysit her daughter. Since the OP took her question to the platform, she has received thousands of upvotes and hundreds of comments — almost all of which are supportive. With nearly the entire AITA Reddit community behind her, it’s fairly clear that the OP’s mother-in-law was in the wrong.

“(My mother-in-law) has never liked me and I’ve tried to get along with her but my husband just keeps his (head) down and refuses to speak up in my defence,” the OP writes, adding context to her relationship.

However, the most shocking detail from the OP’s story — the part that Redditors continually criticized — was that her mother-in-law said that her breast milk was “dirty.”

“The only person splitting your family apart is a woman calling you dirty. You don't have to accept that. Your husband needs to get on your side ASAP or the implication is that he agrees with her treating you that way,” one top comment reads. “You don't have to accept that either. In which case, splitting apart your family would be a healthy choice for you. Splitting apart families isn't inherently bad if the family you're leaving behind was hurting you.”

Another Redditor agreed, emphasizing that not only is the OP’s mother-in-law in the wrong, but her husband is at fault for not sticking up for her.

“Oof. Your MIL and husband suck. Your MIL's toxic views and your husband's refusal to stand up for his partner are a recipe for disaster here. You will not be happy if things continue on this way, which they will unless you do something about this,” a Redditor commented.

Nearly all the comments made the same points. Firstly, the mother-in-law’s claim that breast milk is “dirty” is misguided and insulting. Secondly, the husband should have supported the OP. And finally, it’s ultimately a mother’s decision what to feed her baby.

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With that said, there were some commenters who were more sympathetic to the husband’s view.

“Obviously the MIL is wrong and the OP is right, but having formula once in a while won't kill the kid. Just store the pumped milk for later use,” a Redditor wrote in a comment buried by downvotes. “Let them have a relationship until the child is old enough to understand MIL's weird views, anyway. That will be the hill to battle on.”

In any case, researchers and healthcare professionals are in agreement that breast milk is good for babies. In fact, WebMD calls it “the ideal nutrition for infants.” That’s because breast milk contains antibodies that help infants fight bacteria and viruses. Other benefits include reducing a baby’s risk of allergies or asthma. There’s even some research that shows a link between breastfeeding and higher IQ scores. 

What’s more, breastfeeding isn’t just beneficial for the baby — it’s also good for the mother. According to WebMD, the process burns calories, reduces the risk of breast cancer, ovarian cancer and osteoporosis. There’s also the added benefit that it’s cheaper than buying formula.

However, that isn’t to say that formula is never a good idea. 

In a column for the Harvard Health Blog, Dr. Claire McCarthy, a primary care pediatrician at Boston Children’s Hospital and assistant professor at Harvard Medical School, argues that “we shouldn't demonize formula feeding.”

In her nuanced piece, she explains that the benefits of breastfeeding are clear while also arguing that we need to “keep the big picture in mind,” as various circumstances in a woman’s life — whether that is not producing enough milk or not having enough time — means that it isn’t always easy to breastfeed.

What do you think about the mother-in-law’s claim that breast milk is “dirty”? Let us know — and be sure to pass this article on to get other opinions.