Mom Is Remorseful After Telling 11-Year-Old Daughter Who’s Outgrown Snuggles To ‘Get Off’ Her

Feb 06, 2023 by apost team

There is absolutely nothing unusual with parents showing their children physical affection. After all, they raised them — sometimes literally in their beds! Since infanthood, most children are used to the hugging, holding, embracing and carrying that parents afford them. It’s almost a natural instinct as parents to ensure your children feel safe physically and emotionally.

Multiple studies have shown that children benefit greatly from receiving affection from their parents. A 2013 UCLA study found that unconditional love and parental affection lead to emotionally happier and less anxious children as their brain changes as a direct result of the affection. Another study by the University of Notre Dame in 2015 found that a lack of parental affection can lead to negative effects on the child.

But at what point should a child grow out of this need to be held — is there even a point? For a lot of children, the need for space between them and their parents comes naturally. But what if it carries on for longer than you might think is typical?

This was the conundrum one mother found herself in with her 11-year-old daughter. The mom took to the Reddit community to get their views on her dilemma. She said her daughter, despite almost being a teenager, was still very physically affectionate with her and the child’s father. She feared that she might be too old to still be sitting on her parents’ laps or cuddling them and worried it would have a negative effect on her upbringing. She said her worries prompted her to explicitly communicate to her child that her behavior was no longer appropriate, which lead to a severe reaction from her daughter.

On Jan. 26, 2023, the mom took to a Reddit forum to detail her predicament concerning her daughter.

“I (37f) am married to my husband (38m) and we have a daughter together (11f). My daughter is very small for her age and as a result gets treated like a younger child sometimes. She loves to hop in my or my (husband’s) lap and cuddle with us on the couch or in a chair,” she began the post.

She continued by saying that she no longer felt like the affectionate behavior was proper for a child her daughter’s age and told her child as such.

“I have been thinking that she may be too old for that sort of thing and maybe I'm hurting her by letting her continue. Yesterday she tried to hop in my lap and cuddle and I told her she was too old for that and to get off me. She got really upset, got off me and went to her room and slammed the door,” she wrote.

Her daughter did not take kindly to her mother’s repudiation, leaving her mother feeling regretful. 

“She hasn’t tried to get in my lap since then and things are tense between us. She doesn’t talk to me unless she has to and when I hugged her goodnight last night she didn’t hug me back. I feel really guilty because I obviously hurt her feelings but I feel like she might be too old for sitting on my lap,” she ended the post and asked readers for their opinions. However, she didn’t find too many who were sympathetic to her plight.

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The mother was met with almost unanimous disapproval. Many said she had been too harsh with her daughter and didn’t understand why she didn’t appreciate the fact that her daughter still wanted to be affectionate with her.

“They absolutely stop on their own — no need to force it. She was probably really embarrassed that her mum thought her way of showing affection was inappropriate. Way to make her feel self-conscious at an impressionable age!” one comment read.

“These are words that will echo in her head forever and may even affect her relationships with other people in her adult life,” another reader wrote.

Meanwhile, the mother responded to one comment that read: “Why are you denying her affection? ... If I was told, at 11 years old, that I was too old for affection from a parent, I would assume they no longer love me as much. You should feel guilty.” The mom responded: “I feel so guilty and the thought of my daughter feeling like I love her less now makes me want to cry. I will apologize to her later today and try to make things better.”

She also responded to another reader who wrote that the post “almost made me cry.” 

“Your sweet daughter loves you and you shame her for her showing you her affection,” the rest of the comment read.

The mom replied: “I actually did cry. I feel SO awful for what I did and how I made her feel.”

However, the mom appeared to take the readers’ words to heart and wrote in the comments:

“I DO want to cuddle her but I just had this arbitrary idea that she might be too old. I feel so horrible for breaking her heart. And I'm going to apologize and cuddle and kiss her today.”

What are your thoughts on the mom’s decision? Did you like to receive cuddles from your children when they were younger? Let us know, and don’t forget to pass this on to family and friends to get their take on the matter.