Mom Defends Breastfeeding Her 4-Year-Old – ‘It’s Not Biologically Strange’
Mar 26, 2026 by apost team
For many mothers, parenting choices often come with opinions from others. For Shinnai Visser, those opinions have been loud and persistent.
The 34-year-old mom has spent years sharing her mom life openly on Instagram, documenting everything from home births to homeschooling and her approach to extended breastfeeding. But one part of her journey drew particular attention: she breastfeeds her 4-year-old daughter. That choice sparked strong reactions online, with some people questioning whether it was appropriate or healthy. Visser said she has heard it all.
“I’ve heard comments implying that it’s inappropriate, unhealthy or that it creates too much dependence. Some people assume it’s about my needs rather than my child’s, which couldn’t be further from the truth,” she explained to PEOPLE. “If you have ever breastfed, you will know I am not doing this for me.”
For Visser, the decision did not come lightly. She said her perspective changed after learning more about breastfeeding beyond what she described as typical Western expectations.
“When I learned that humans historically breastfed far longer than we do today, it reframed the idea that extended breastfeeding is unusual. It’s not biologically strange, it’s culturally unfamiliar,” she said.
That shift has shaped how she approaches motherhood. Rather than following a set timeline, she has allowed her children to guide the process. Her experience looks different with each child. With her older daughter, now 4, breastfeeding is no longer frequent or routine.
“Some days she nurses once, and other times she doesn’t ask for a few days,” Visser shared. “At this stage, it’s very minimal and very intentional. It’s brief, calm and led by her.”
(Instagram)
Her approach, Visser said, was to respond to her child’s needs rather than cater to external expectations.
Life looks very different with her younger child, and Visser was open about that, too. She said her 20-month-old still nurses frequently throughout the day and even wakes at night to feed.
“She feeds countless times throughout the day, honestly, I couldn’t even put a number on it, and she still nurses a few times during the night,” she told PEOPLE, adding that this stage was exactly what she expected.
“That’s developmentally normal for this age and often serves as comfort and support through teething, growth and big developmental leaps.”
For Visser, breastfeeding was not just about nutrition. As her children grow, she said her role has shifted into something more emotional.
“At this age, breastfeeding is less about nutrition and more about co-regulation,” she explained, adding, “A 4-year-old is still developing emotional regulation and impulse control. Breastfeeding offers a familiar, calming sensory experience that helps regulate their nervous system.”
She described those moments as quiet resets in the middle of a child’s day.
“It’s a moment of stillness, connection and safety. The child’s body settles, breathing slows, and emotions soften,” she said, adding, “It’s a relational regulation tool, not just a feeding one.”
That belief also shaped how she views independence.
“Independence grows best from secure attachment, not forced separation,” Visser stated. “Breastfeeding doesn’t replace independence. It supports it by ensuring emotional needs are met, not suppressed.”
Rather than setting a timeline, she explained she wanted to let the process unfold naturally.
“My decision will be guided by my child’s needs, my own capacity and our relationship,” she said, adding, “Weaning doesn’t need to be rushed to be healthy. My 4-year-old is naturally weaning herself, and it’s magical to witness.”
Even with the criticism, Visser stood firm in her approach. “Educate yourself, trust your body and remember that you don’t owe anyone an explanation for what works for your family,” she affirmed. “Confidence comes from understanding that there is no single ‘right’ way to mother, only informed, intentional choices rooted in love and respect for yourself, and your child.”
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What do you think about Shinai Visser’s approach to extended breastfeeding? Do you know someone who has experienced the same? Let us know, and then pass this on to your family, friends, and other loved ones out there!