Mom Asks Daughter To Start Paying Rent But Is Called ‘Worst Mother' Ever

Sep 02, 2021 by apost team

Every parent wants to do right by their children, and sometimes that means making difficult decisions that the kids may not understand at that time. This can often be related to financial choices, such as asking for one's children to pay board once they reach a certain age or when circumstances change.

While it might feel like the parent isn't supporting their child, depending on the circumstances, asking a child to begin paying a certain amount of rent could actually help teach them valuable lessons about life — related to earning and spending money — all before they've even left the safety of the family nest. In a way, it could actually be doing the child a huge favor.

That was the case for one mother in the U.K. who, after her 16-year-old daughter got an apprenticeship job that pays £14,500 (about $20,000) per year, asked her to begin paying £200 (about $276) rent each month. That money will cover a whole range of benefits, including trips to and from work, as they don't live on a bus route, cooking, cleaning and even putting some of that money towards driving lessons. However, her daughter didn't take the news very well and made the mom feel like she was "the worst mother in the world." 

Distraught, the mother took her story to the online forum Mumsnet in September 2021 in a bid to find out whether she was being unreasonable. Considering the circumstances of the situation, most users thought the mom's request was more than fair. Let's take a look at the situation and what users on the forum thought about it.

The mother begins by explaining that her 16-year-old daughter will be 17 in October and has just started an apprenticeship in the summer that will see her earn £14,500 (about $20,000) annually. Except for buying herself lunch each day — which the mom points out the daughter doesn't have to, as there is food is she could bring from home — the daughter has no outgoing expenses. 

Furthermore, the mom has lost the girl's child benefit now, and she's expecting that the girl's dad will stop "paying maintenance too," but she's quick to add, "not that his £17 a week makes a huge difference to be fair." Meanwhile, her daughter's outgoings have remained the same or increased.

Therefore the mom has asked her daughter to contribute £50 (about $69) a week to the household, which will include:

"...all food provided, washing done, all the hot water she can use, lifts to wherever she wants, pretty much whenever she wants them, a lift to and from work each day (we don't live on a bus route) and other usual stuff."

What's more, the mother had asked the girl to pay her own phone bill after she got "a brand new iPhone X in July on the premise that she would pay the bill." Unfortunately, the mom hasn't seen any of that money yet, even though she's kept paying for it as it's linked to her account, and she doesn't want to ruin her credit rating.

On top of that, the board the mom is asking for "will be put straight towards (the daughter's) driving lessons," while her mom has already paid for her provisional driving license and even a car that awaits her for when she's passed her test. 

apost.com

Despite thinking her suggestion was fair, the mom is now distraught as her daughter has made her "feel like the worst mother in the world for asking." In an attempt to figure out if she's being unreasonable, the mom took her dilemma to the Mumsnet forum and asked others to weigh in, as well as asking, "What would you do if she decides not to pay it?"

Many people in the forum were quick to back her up, with one writing:

"When I read the thread title I thought it was a bit mean, however I have changed my mind and think you are possibly spoiling her a bit. I’d be inclined to stop the lifts, the driving lessons and the phone and let her organise and pay for these things herself."

Others had similar feedback, suggesting that the mom could stop giving the daughter as many benefits as she currently does, with one user writing:

"If she doesn't pay don't cook for her, don't allow her access to laundry detergent etc, no doubt anything for her, lifts, laundry etc, if she doesn't want to pay for her luxuries and recognise you are being very generous, she can pay for everything she needs."

But there were also people who disagreed with the mom, with one person writing:

"Of course YABU. You are asking a 16 year old child to pay to stay in their own home. You shouldn’t have had kids you can’t pay for."

Someone else had a more pragmatic approach, explaining that the word "board" was the problem, and suggested reframing it as "savings" for the daughter. They wrote:

"Life is really tough for young people now and it’s harder than ever to buy a house or just survive so having some savings would be great for her." 

What do you think about this situation? Is the mom being unreasonable, or do you think it's fair considering the circumstances? Let us know, and pass this on so others can weigh in too.