Man Walks Out On Wife After Learning She Has Ovarian Cancer And Can't Have Kids

Nov 05, 2021 by apost team

Despite advances in science and technology, cancer remains one of the leading causes of death in the U.S., and nearly 2 million new patients are diagnosed with the disease every year. More likely than not, you or someone you know has undergone treatment for cancer. That said, it’s still shocking to hear the news for the first time.

Back in August 2020, one 33-year-old took to Reddit to describe his reaction when he found out that his wife had ovarian cancer. But instead of asking the Reddit community for support, he ended up asking them whether he was wrong for the way he treated his wife after she heard the life-changing news.

The original poster’s (OP) story begins with a business trip that he has to cut short because his wife, 32, reported “searing pelvic pain.” After the OP arrives at the hospital, the doctor comes in and asks his wife to take a deep breath: she has ovarian cancer, and she’ll need a full hysterectomy.

The OP explains that the news “jolted” him from his seat, as the doctor effectively told them that his wife couldn’t have kids anymore.

“I’m overwhelmed with emotions of anger, not just anger at the disease, but pent up anger form the fact that I had begged her to have kids since we were 26, but she refused for her career,” the OP writes, explaining that having a family was one of his top priorities.

Despite his wife’s attempts to think positively — she tells the OP that they can fight the cancer together and adopt — the husband is so distraught that he leaves his wife at the hospital.

“I still had my suitcase in the car so I drove to a hotel because I didn’t know if my wife was going to end up being discharged or what,” the OP writes.

“At the hotel I was at least able to get out of reactive mode, but I was still so disappointed that our dream of a family was over.”

The OP then goes on to ask whether he was wrong for “walking out,” adding, “I wasn’t going to expel the cancer if I stayed that night but I did at least make myself aware of my situation. And I feel I have a right to be angry that my hope of biological kids, the only kind I ever wanted, is rapidly fading away.”

Since the OP wrote his post, more than 800 Redditors have replied — and nearly everyone is critical of his actions.

“This is not about you or your feelings. No one preempts cancer. No woman should be forced to have children earlier than she's ready to just to fit into someone else's grand master plan. The fact that you don't see her as the person you married when she is more than just an incubator and a baby making machine is deeply troubling,” the top comment reads.

“Stop being a wet ham sandwich of a man and be a decent human being,” the Redditor adds.

Other Redditors were even harsher, with one commenter saying that they felt “disgusted” after reading the OP’s post.

“Your wife is facing serious cancer, surgery. All you typed was about yourself,” they wrote.

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Even Redditors who were more sympathetic to the OP’s position ultimately said that he was being selfish for making his wife’s potentially deadly cancer diagnosis about him.

“It's complicated and I can see your side, but you need to understand that she has just been told she has cancer and you made it about yourself,” one comment reads. 

Although it’s impossible to know exactly how advanced the wife’s ovarian cancer is, the Ovarian Cancer Research Alliance reports between a 17-94% relative 5-year survival rate. First Stage 1 ovarian cancer, relative 5-year survival rates are around 90%, whereas Stage 4 ovarian cancer that has spread to other parts of the body is about 17%. The American Cancer Society estimates that 13,770 people will die of ovarian cancer in 2021.

The OPs post is a clear example of how not to react to a cancer diagnosis. But how can we best support a spouse who receives a cancer diagnosis? The Cleveland Clinic says that support begins with communication, which means it’s helpful to agree early on that you and your partner will speak freely to each other. What’s more, the Cleveland Clinic says that you should stay with your partner and not walk out as the OP did.

“Consider putting other plans on hold while you both process what’s happening,” cancer care nurse Josette Snyder explains. “You may want to spend time alone together to talk about your feelings and to make some decisions. Ask your spouse how you can help without taking away from them.”

What do you think of the OP’s response? How would you have reacted? Let us know — and be sure to pass this article on to get your friends and family’s opinions.