Man Questions Whether Giving Late Wife’s Heirloom To New Wife’s Daughter Is Right

Apr 27, 2023 by apost team

Losing a life partner can be such a traumatic experience that one may never enter into a long-term relationship again. Others, however, manage to find love after grief, although that new partnership may involve family entanglements that can be difficult to navigate.

One man who found love again after his first wife passed went through just such difficulties. On July 10, 2022, he took to Reddit to get the community’s advice on what he should do with his late wife’s family heirloom after adopting his new wife’s daughter.

“My late wife Kate passed away about 12 years ago,” his post began. “They have a family heirloom that has passed down several generations (starting from her great grandmother) from mothers to their first daughters, on their 18th (or thereabouts) birthdays. The heirloom itself is not highly valuable in a financial sense, but the history makes it very valuable to the people in the family. I currently possess it after Kate passed away and I always intended to give it to my daughter, Claire, on her 18th birthday. She is currently 16,” he continued.

“I married my current wife about 8 years ago. My step daughter, Sarah (whom I have adopted and consider my own daughter), is 17 years and 11 months old, her 18th birthday is in a month. My wife has also adopted Claire and we all consider each other as just one family,” he wrote.

“I was hesitant because I always intended to give it to Claire who is Kate’s only daughter as this is what she would have wanted and is the continuation of the tradition. My wife counters that this belongs to our family now and we should give it to our eldest daughter on her 18th birthday, and therefore this should be Sarah,” the man explained.

The man said he explained to his wife that, while he does consider Sarah his daughter, “she’s not Kate’s daughter.” He added the heirloom “belongs to Kate and should go to Kate’s daughter. My wife said Claire is HER daughter, not anyone else’s and wife accused me of playing favorites and told me that if I truly consider Sarah to be my daughter then I’ll do the right thing for her or that I haven’t really accepted Sarah as a real daughter yet.”

The man also consulted with his 25-year-old son from his first marriage, who told him that, “if I do this he’s going to walk from the birthday party and that he bets he won’t be the only one. He said if I do this I should be ready for severe consequences. He left in a very frustrated way. His argument in the end was that ‘this isn’t yours to give away. It was mom’s and now belongs to Claire.’”

The wife brushed aside the son’s response as an overreaction and told the man the son “doesn’t consider Sarah to be his real sister, otherwise he’d be happy for her.” The man continued:

“My wife thinks Claire will be happy about this since she considers Sarah to be her big sister and it will bring the girls even closer together because Sarah will happily share it with Claire and they’ll both have it.”

He then asked readers for their take on the situation and whether it would be wrong for him to pass down his late wife’s heirloom to his adopted daughter.

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Reddit users were united in their opinion that the heirloom should go to Kate’s daughter, Claire, and called the man’s wife unreasonable.

“I would point out to your wife that Claire’s mother is gone. She will never get anymore gifts from Kate. While Sarah’s mother is obviously still alive, so she will continue to receive gifts from her bio mom. Claire will not. Blending families doesn’t mean erasing everyone’s past. Even in nuclear families it’s not uncommon for heirlooms to be passed down to one side of the family or the other. But overall I think you need to emphasize to your wife that this is the last gift to Claire from her bio mom and it’s not for Sarah,” one user wrote.

Another said: “Talk to you wife about how absolutely absurd this request was and how this is significantly shaken your view of her. Give her a chance to change and be better. Sometimes people go down a rabbit hole so deep they don’t realize they’re being crazy. Give her a chance to be a better person if she’s never acted this way before.”

“She is clearly trying to erase OP’s first wife, as she outright says Claire is her daughter and not anyone else’s – smells like jealousy to me,” another user wrote.

Meanwhile, the man gave readers an update on his dilemma. 

“People here are unanimous and seems like my instincts were correct. I’m going to reject my wife’s request and suggest if she loves the tradition she can give something of hers (or her mother’s) to Sarah. That will mean a lot more to Sarah anyway. Kate’s heirloom is going to Claire and Claire only,” he said, adding he had given the heirloom to his son to gift to his sister on her 18th birthday.

Do you feel the man did the right thing in the end to choose to give the heirloom to Claire? What would you have done in the situation? Let us know and pass this on to friends and family to get their opinion on it, too.