Mama, Don't Worry - You're Not Failing

Nov 15, 2018 by apost team

Never forget the way that time flies. They grow up too quickly, yes, but it's more than that. Time flies and nothing stays the same. Time flies and you're still exhausted, but a more manageable kind of exhausted. Time flies and the chaos feels a little less chaotic - or maybe a little more. But time will always move quickly, and the challenges that feel impossible now won't feel the same in a week or a month or a year. That's important to remember.

Your days go a little something like this:

• Something got spilled
• Someone threw up
• A surprise bill came in the mail
• And now the car won't start
• Just switch it all around for the next day, only-
• Add in a doctor appointment
• Grocery store run
• Your own work schedule
• And road construction
• Or the flu running through the family
• Or the child who is angry with you
• It gets hard, doesn't it, Mom?

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Each stage of your children's lives is fleeting:

• The Good
• The Bad
• The Sticky

It all passes into another phase. Kids learn to dress themselves because you spent all that time letting them learn. They cover their mouths when they sneeze, and you don't even remember when they finally got that one down. They say 'thank you', and they mean it. They stand their ground because they know you believe in them.

The amazing ability they bring to the world ripples out and affects others for the better. Before you know it, that kid who lived with one tiny hand tightly balled around your pants leg is now calling home to tell you about their first promotion.

Each day your child gets up in the morning, they are the same person but different from yesterday. The kid who was cautious may want to try something new. The angry kid may find the words to express what bothers him.

You've changed, too. You're fresh today and can try something new or dig in and stay the course. You need rules, but your rules need to be able to change with the changing needs of your family. Lower some cleaning standards when they're really young, and then raise them as you teach them how to clean the bathroom. The teen can learn to respect your boundaries. You need to respect your boundaries, too, Mom. You're worth it.

With each new birth, choose some activity that can die for now. Put away the fancy plates and scale back on schedules. Keep the house safely clean if not sparkling pristine. The time you have with your kids while they are who they are at this moment- it's passing.

Go spend it with them. Right now.

       This means not worrying about what others think. It means a lot of other things, too:

• Dirty floors
• Cluttered laundry rooms
• Piled high dining table
• Kids with bad habits
• Moms with bad habits
• Temper tantrums
• Sadness
• Sloppy eating
• Forgetting to say 'thank you'
• Going in the right direction

See it from the viewpoint of your kids: ask them if you have to. You'll learn about so many good things you hadn't recognized you had.

If something got spilled: say 'thank you' to the one who tried to clean it up, and help them finish.

If someone threw up: clean it up and then cuddle them gently.

That bill in the mail? A phone call advocating for yourself may produce results you hadn't expected.

That stalled car? Be grateful you have friends to reach out to for help.

Going to the doctor means you can get better.

Look at your grocery store, just for a moment: have you really ever seen how much food is there? Even the pets have their own aisle!

Your work schedule is a great opportunity to network, be productive, and make money to put towards the many needs of your growing family.

And road construction? Great time to listen to an audiobook or podcast. Find something that really just speaks to you, Mom. Don't forget to smile to those workers standing in the weather!

If you know a mom who is struggling (who doesn't?), let them know that they're doing a great job by letting them see this article, too. Spread the word that lifts a weary momma's heart up, and then drop us a line telling us how you have changed the way you see your mothering in a better way than ever before.