Is This Father Of 4 Girls The Funniest Man On Twitter? Decide For Yourself
May 28, 2018 by apost team
James Breakwell is a blogger based out of Indiana, and his twitter consists almost entirely of conversations he has with his 4 daughters aged 8 and under. The topics range from boys to aliens to their pet pig, but they all have one thing in common: they’re hilarious .
Scroll to read a collection of our our favorite tweets! You won’t regret it.
1.
5-year-old: Would you rather be a mom or go to jail? 7-year-old: How long in jail?
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 17, 2018
2.
5-year-old: I don't like loud noises. Me: You make nothing BUT loud noises. 5: But those are mine.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 31, 2018
3.
5-year-old: Do sharks like carrots? Me: No. 5: What if they do but no one ever gives them any? She just solved sharks.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 24, 2018
4.
Me: Have fun at school. 7-year-old: Is that a joke?
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 19, 2018
5.
3-year-old: He won't talk to me. Me: Who? 3: The dog. That jerk.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 24, 2018
6.
Me: What did you do at school today? 5-year-old: Learned about dragons. Me: Your class learned about dragons? 5: I learned about dragons. I don't know what everybody else was doing.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 19, 2018
7.
6-year-old: Why are boys? Me: Why are boys what? 6: Just why are they? Me: No one knows.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 20, 2018
8.
5-year-old: Go get my cup. Me: I'm not your servant. 7-year-old: Yeah, he's mine.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 17, 2018
9.
3-year-old: Dad? Me: Yeah? 3: Which pedal makes the car go? Me: *hides my keys on a higher shelf*
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 25, 2018
10.
3-year-old: Aliens love underwear. Me: What? Why? 3: *shrugs* I'm not an alien.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 26, 2018
11.
3-year-old: You're strong. Me: Yeah. 3: Really strong. Me: Definitely. 3: Almost as strong as Mom.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 11, 2018
12.
3-year-old: Why do you have a mustache? Me: Why do you think I have a mustsche? 3: To keep away girls.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 9, 2018
13.
3-year-old: You’re the cutest. 2-year-old: *hugs her* 3-year-old: Except for me.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 12, 2018
14.
3-year-old: *hands me a wrapper* Me: Do I look like a trash can? 3: *hands me more wrappers*
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 5, 2018
16.
7-year-old: I found a bug. Me: Shoo it outside. 7: I need a sword.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 27, 2018
15.
3-year-old: Mommy married you. Me: Yeah. 3: Why? Wife: Nobody knows.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 31, 2018
17.
Me: *puts on sunglasses* 3-year-old: Those are cool. Me: Yeah. 3: Why do you have them?
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 23, 2018
18.
Me: Wake up. Time to get dressed. 5-year-old: Not again.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 27, 2018
19.
Me: What are you doing? 5-year-old: What's it look like we're doing? Me: Nothing. 5: Yeah. Don't interrupt.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 5, 2018
20.
Me: I told you to pick up your toys. 3-year-old: I did. Me: They're still out. 3: I put them back down.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 7, 2018
21.
3-year-old: Can I have a hug? Me: Of course. *hugs her* 3: Can I have brownies? I've been set up.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 8, 2018
22.
[talking about dinosaurs] Me: Herbivores ate plants, and carnivores ate meat. 3-year-old: Which ones ate brownies?
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 9, 2018
23.
5-year-old: I'm missing a toe! Me: What?! 5: Never mind. I miscounted.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 16, 2018
24.
[royal wedding] Me: Isn’t their castle cool? 3-year-old: No. Me: Why? 3: It doesn’t bounce.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 19, 2018
25.
[putting away new birthday toys] 8-year-old: There's no room. Me: We should give away some of your old toys. 8: We should get a bigger house.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 20, 2018
26.
3-year-old: I'm not afraid of cows. Me: Um, good? 3: *serious look* Not even the mean ones.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 26, 2018
27.
6-year-old: I didn't lose any teeth today. Me: So? 6: I won't make any money from the tooth fairy. Me: That's okay. 6: I'll have to get a job.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 23, 2018
Even if you've never been around a kid, most of these tweets are incredibly relatable! Don't let your friends miss out on this hilarious twitter account, show this article to them so they can get a few laughs in today, too!