If You Love This Woman, Stop Pushing Her Away.

Jan 07, 2019 by apost team

Maybe your parents had a lousy relationship. Maybe they got divorced. Maybe they only stayed together because they felt they couldn't afford to split up. Maybe they never really got along and you just don't know how to do this dance, this thing called love.

If so, you're in luck. Here's a rundown of how to make love work.

Some people think that their significant other is obligated to be faithful and committed to them, but that it isn't a two-way street. This is an especially common mental model for men. There are historical reasons why such mental models evolved, but it's never good to treat someone like property. If you give them every reason to hate you and no reason to stay, it will come back to bite you.

If you really want to be loved, you have to learn to give love. Love involves both people being good to each other. It's not something you can take by force because you are bigger or have more money or because society tries to make us believe one gender is more privileged than the other. That's not how it works.

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If the job, the friends, and the hobbies all come first, don't be surprised when that's all you have left at some point because your lover decided to hit the road and never look back. The things you make a priority are the things that will stick around and be a part of your life. Do you think your so-called friends or co-workers will be there by your side when you need surgery or chemotherapy? Do you think your hobbies will cook your dinner and keep you company when you are old?

There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be married. If you like being alone, that's fine. But don't fool yourself. If you want someone to depend on, you need to be there dependably for them as well. It cuts both ways.

If you constantly interrupt dates to take text messages from everyone you know on the planet, are you really giving this person the respect and attention they deserve? Ask yourself this: Are you also dropping everything when they text you while you are out with friends? Or do you ignore messages from the girlfriend/boyfriend while with friends, then ignore the girlfriend/boyfriend to check messages when you supposedly set aside time for them?

Examine your habits and think about which ones are really bad habits that are undermining the relationship. Then fix them. Don't make excuses or empty promises or any promises. Just start treating this person better.

All good relationships are based on good communication. This is true whether they are friends, colleagues or spouses. Platonic or romantic, a good relationship requires good communication. It requires both parties to actively cooperate in making sure the message gets across. It involves one person talking, the other listening and then checking to make sure that what they think they heard is what the other person was actually trying to say. 

There are myriad ways that a message can be garbled. Maybe you were in a hurry and didn't say it well. Maybe it was noisy and something was misheard. Maybe you come from different backgrounds and have different assumptions behind the things that got said. Try to not point fingers. Instead, just work on making sure you both are on the same page. If past experience suggests you routinely misunderstand each other about certain things, make an effort to get those things sorted out.

Whatever your past, it's possible to create a life that contains someone you love. It may take some work to get there from here, but it can be done.

Will you keep these four tips in mind? Let us know if you have anything to add to this list and be sure to pass it on to your friends and loved ones - help them make their relationships work.