I Wish My Mom Was Here To Watch Me Become A Mother

Apr 05, 2019 by apost team

When you think about having children, you probably imagine their grandparents being around as well. If you had your grandparents around when you were a child, you know how amazing the whole experience is. Having grandparents is a joyful and once-in-a-lifetime memory that every child should get to experience.

But this perfect scenario simply cannot be the case for everyone. When our mothers or fathers pass away when we’re young, we’re left without that experience and our children go without having grandparents.

This also means that our parents will never get to watch us be parents, and it’s heartbreaking to deal with.

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Grandparents help us learn, grow, and most of all, teach us how to have fun. Many children have fond memories of their grandparents always being there for them, even when they were fighting with their own parents or misbehaving.

Grandparents are great for spoiling us, buying us too many toys or indulging in too many treats with us. The situation is beneficial for parents too. Many parents get breaks from their parenting duties thanks to the help of grandma and grandpa.

Play dates at the park, trips to get ice cream and having another person to love and support us are all parts of having a grandparent. But when your parent tragically dies too soon and doesn’t get to watch their grandchildren grow up, we’re left with a void that cannot be filled with anything else.

Not only is it devastating and life-changing to lose your parent before you feel it is their time, but it also makes you question how you’ll go on without them. The pain feels unbearable when we lose our parents, and we try to juggle any guilt, resentment or sadness we may have.

Just when you start to heal from the grieving process, more questions arise. How are you supposed to become a parent without the guidance of your own parent? Can you trust yourself to raise children without having the advice of your mother? It’s a hard question to grapple with, and it feels like it will never get easier.

As the memories start to slip away, you desperately try to get them back to get some insight on how to take care of your own children. Childhood feels like a lifetime in the past when you're trying to recall certain events.

You can’t remember every single thing that your mother did for you when you were little, and even big things like the tone of her voice are starting to slip away. You desperately want to go back and hear her tell you fond memories of your childhood so that you have something to pass on to your own children.

You desperately try to reenact every childhood scenario so you know how to react in the same situations. Who do we learn how to parent from if it's not from our mothers?

You may even decide that maybe children just aren’t for you. Maybe without the guidance of your own mother, you don’t deserve to become a parent. But everything changes when you meet the right person.

Once you settle in with your new husband, you both decide that having children is something you want to experience together. But these questions about how you’ll handle it still linger in the back of your head.

When you become pregnant, you long for your mother. You want to hear all about what her experience was like so you know what to expect. You want answers to all of your burning questions about co-sleeping, breastfeeding, and taking care of a child. But no one is there to answer.

You even go as far as stressing about dying young like your mother and not being able to watch your children grow up to raise their own families. The anxiety feels too much to bear.

Although it’s important to allow yourself to grieve and feel sad about the loss of your mother, it’s also important to push past these insecurities in order to be a good parent.

Coping mechanisms can include seeing a therapist to vent your feelings, or finding support groups of other mothers raising children without the help of their moms. You’re not alone, and you definitely don’t have to feel like you’re raising a child with no advice or guidance. Support systems are there and ready to help you.

But sooner or later, you realize that even though your mother isn’t around, you can still handle parenting on your own. You hold your child close and remind them that you’ll always be there for them and that you’ll do anything in your power to be a good mother.

Although no one can replace or fix the loss of your parents, it is possible to move on and be a great mother even though they are gone. Embrace the instincts, gifts, and talent inside of you in order to become the best mother you can be.

Did you lose your mother far too soon? Do you identify with this article? Let us know in the comments and pass it along to your friends and family to help them understand how you feel.