I Stopped Chasing You, But I Haven't Given Up On You

Sep 12, 2018 by apost team

We have all faced rejection. Some rejections sting harder than others. Your rejection hurt the worst. Maybe it hurt because there was no closure. Maybe the hurt resulted from the knowing we both felt something real. Whatever the reason, the rejection hurt. And I stopped chasing you. Yet against all odds, I still haven't given up on you. I gave up the pursuit, but I still haven't given you up. 

I did everything I could think of to make you mine. I liked your photos. I texted first. I double texted. I went to parties I knew you would be at. I made the first move. It sounds crazy, but I knew you were worth it. I thought if I could show you how willing I was to put in the time and effort, you would finally realize I was it. I was the one. We had a history. We had a connection. I couldn't pass up the chance to have you.

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But you weren't interested. You said you weren't ready for the next step. You needed time. You needed space to figure it out.

I had tried everything but giving you space. I was scared to let you go and never get you back. Finally, I stopped trying to force a conversation. I gave you what you needed, space. I was tired of this one-sided pursuit. Deep down I had hoped you would pursue me.

I gave up on chasing you. I stopped trying to get your attention. I moved forward. I accepted somethings aren't meant to be. It was one of the hardest thing I ever did. I resisted all urges and impulses to send you a funny text or send you a link of an article that reminded me of you. I stopped showing up to parties just because I knew you would be there. I stopped the chase.

I would be lying if I said that I had completely given up on you. I would be lying if I said I had completely moved on. I would be lying if I said I never thought about you.

The truth is that sometimes in my deepest daydream I think about you. My mind creates stories of what we could have been.

Somedays these daydreams lead to me checking in on you. I sneak a glance at your social media. I will ask a friend how your doing. I know there is no chance for us. I know that it is over. But I still care. I still want the best for you. I still hope that you are doing well.

Maybe you still think about me too. Maybe somedays you check in on me. Maybe you glance at my social media to see how I am doing. Maybe you ask friends about me. Maybe there is a chance you regret your decision. Maybe you want to send me a text or run into me at a party.

But I can't afford to think like that. I can't let myself fall down into the same destructive spiral. This time it's your turn. This time you chase me. It is your turn to send the first message. This time you get to show up at the party looking for me. This time you make the effort. I can't, not again.

It's not just me that feels this way right? I can't be the only one out there that risks everything just to lose it all. Are there people out there like me? How do they move on? How can do we find the confidence to try again?