I'm Happily Single Because I Don't Ever Need Another Toxic Man In My Life

Dec 28, 2018 by apost team

I sometimes grow tired with the way people constantly ask me questions that are none of their business. They give themselves the authority to overstep normal boundaries of human interaction regardless of the discomfort it causes me.

The prelude to the question is always entertaining. It is the part where they tell me how beautiful and smart I am. Then they tell me why this is the time in my life when I should look to find someone with whom I can enjoy the rest of my life.

Most times I do not even know how to respond to their comments and questions. It is not easy explaining my choice to be single or why I am not interested in a man being in my life. My lack of a response does not deter them from furthering the line of questioning. And by the time they are two or three questions in, I often find myself totally depressed by it all.

apost.com

The truth is I am not single because of the many toxic men that exist in the world. I am single as a result of my experiences with one man who was toxic.

I am extremely talented at hiding from my problems. I would lie to myself so frequently that I believed my own deception. I told myself that I only have time for my career and there was no room in my life for a man at this time. I told myself that allowing another individual into my life would slow my progress and I would not reach the goals I have for myself.

I would sometimes tell other people that there are a few guys on my radar and I will let them know if I get serious with either of them. I would tell them there is no need to ask constantly and when I locate my future husband I will be sure to tell them. The truth is, dating was not even a part of my life at the time.

There was a time in my life, following a number of bad relationships, when I became convinced there was something wrong with me. I knew that I was perfectly fine on my own so why was I unable to keep a significant other in my life.

I have always possessed more friends who are male than I had friends of my own sex. And I do mean friends and nothing more. If ever I saw one of these friends start to develop more than friendly feelings I would pretend not to see it and place some distance between us.

I want to say I did not give up on finding love. It is also important to stress that I gave the effort I feel necessary to find a truly meaningful relationship. I am not running away. I am still attracted to men and want the attention of a man. And from time to time I meet a man with whom I can picture a future.

I then began to daydream. I think of what my life could be with this man that has gained my attention. I imagine that he is the perfect man for me and will treat me the way I deserve to be treated. It all seems so perfect from a distance. But when I step closer I start to see all the little faults that turn me off. I am pretty much done when this happens. Maybe it is better this way. It has been worse for me in the past.

There was a time when I would waste time in relationships I knew would not work. I have had entire relationships that I knew was over before they were started. I would basically hang out with the other person for a few months until finding an excuse to end things.

I was a girl that would immediately regret a decision to give a man a chance. However, I was much too stubborn to stop the flow of things once I realized the mistake. I would trick myself into believing this time could be different. I know at this time things could not possibly work out because I am a broken person.

In a sense, I had become a toxic person. My poor decision making caused me to lose friends and be an ass to people who did not deserve such treatment. I would enter a relationship and find any excuse to bail when it was convenient for me. I was the one now leaving broken people behind. I was too damaged emotionally to ever love the people in return who tried to love me.

The time came when it was a must for me to be honest with myself. I knew that I could not continue to treat people the way I was treating them. I began to analyze my actions and made a startling revelation about myself. I was a girl whose relationship with her father caused deep emotional scars. The toxic man who had influenced my behavior for way too long was my dad.

I rejected the love of many men because the man I expected unconditional love from the most did not give it to me. I saw how he treated women and decided I would never allow myself to be treated this way. The tiniest reminder of my father from any man and it was time to call it quits in the relationship.

I understand that the walls I put up have served only to block the wrong people. I understand that I must now be willing to allow a man to prove his worth and good intentions to me. And most importantly, I now know that despite the lack of love I received from my father, there is a man out there who will love me just as I am.

Can you identify with this feeling? Do people constantly ask you why you're single? Show them this article to explain, and don't forget to pass this along to your friends and family - you never know who might need to read it.