Husband Wants To Know If It’s Wrong Of Him For Not Wanting To Do Nighttime Diaper Changes
Oct 10, 2021 by apost team
All parents know that having a baby means making sacrifices, especially when it comes to sleep. However, if one parent isn't willing to pull their weight, then there can be a strain on the relationship and serious repercussions for the person getting stuck with all the work. One man is wondering if he is in the wrong for not wanting to get up in the middle of the night for diaper changes.
The man explained in his post that his baby is 5-weeks-old and is exclusively breastfed. This means to him that the responsibility of feeding the baby is entirely on the mother. He added that since she is already awake multiple times a night to breastfeed, then she should just change the diapers as well.
The father added that he and his partner are both on parental leave at the moment, but he will be heading back to his construction job sooner than she returns to work. In his mind, this means that he should start getting back to his routine of getting eight hours of sleep a night right now. The mom is up with the baby 3 to 4 times a night for 20 to 40 minutes and she says that she often has to ask the baby's father to wake up to help multiple times, and he will sometimes argue if the baby even needs to be changed on top of that.
Unable to come to a compromise, the man shared his story online to find out if he was wrong in this situation. After he posted his story to Reddit, the other users were in agreement that this man is acting selfishly. The majority of commenters felt sympathy for the new mom and told the father to shape up. Keep reading to hear more reactions to this man's story.
This new father seems to be under the wrong impression over how much sleep parents actually get. The man started off his Reddit post by writing, "My partner and I have a five week old baby who is exclusively breastfed. He will wake up three to four times a night to nurse for 20-40 minutes per time."
He added, "My argument is that she's already awake to nurse, so she should do the diaper changes too. I have offered to do half the diaper changes, but that's not enough for her." His offer to do half of the diaper changes seemed disrespectful to some commenters, who pointed out that the mom is doing everything by herself since she is the one feeding.
"My partner thinks that I should do all the nighttime diaper changes since she's breastfeeding. Her argument is that since she's nursing day and night, it's only fair. She says she needs time to go to the bathroom, drink water, etc, while I am changing the diaper. In her view: I am often grouchy, need to be asked multiple times to get up, and sometimes argue if he even needs to be changed," the father explained.
He wrote at the end of his post: "Relevant information: We are both on parental leave now, and when I go back to work in construction, I need a full 8 hours' sleep. She will be on leave for the next 18 months. We go to bed at 9 pm, and I get up with our dogs at 6 am and she's up with the baby an hour or two later."
There are over 4,000 comments on the post and the majority of users agree that this man is wrong for not wanting to help his wife. The most popular comment was upvoted over 64,000 times. The person wrote:
"Your wife is exhausted, physically and due to lack of sleep. You have no excuse especially while you're on parental leave. She does need to use the bathroom, drink water, whatever - to take care of herself, so she can take care of your son. Parenthood is about shared responsibilities and partnership. You need to grow up and share the burden."
They added, "Your wife is asking for help during an extremely mentally, emotionally, and physically fragile time. You have a brand new baby. If for no other reason than Being A Good Husband in a time where she needs support — why would you reject that? Why do you expect her to shoulder all of it? Are you trying to 'train' her for when you go back to work? I have bad news for you, chief — the "but I need 8 hours of sleep" excuse is incredibly selfish, and you're due for a rude awakening."
Another user said, "Your wife has not yet recovered from childbirth, your son is exclusively breastfed (my 8 month old son has just switched to bottles, and I am pumping, so I KNOW how tiring it is), you are both on parental leave... and you have the guts to say that since she's awake at night, she might as well change your son after she nurses him...and you don't see how selfish everything you say is?"For Illustration Purposes Only (With Models) - istockphoto.com/PeopleImages
What would you tell this new father? Is he out of line for not helping his partner? Let us know what you think and feel free to pass this on to your loved ones with young children.