Husband Tells Stay-At-Home Mother She Doesn’t Require Appreciation For Doing Her Job, Asks If He’s Wrong

Feb 04, 2022 by apost team

Marriage is a partnership, so it’s important for each partner to pull their own weight and take on a similar, if not equal, amount of responsibilities. For some couples, this means they each work full-time and then split their household chores. For others, this may mean one person works while the other tends to the housework.

A 36-year-old man went to Reddit in January 2022 to talk about some problems he was having with his 32-year-old wife, and asked users to offer any advice they had. He explained that he works from home full time, typically from 7 a.m. to 5 p.m. and makes a good enough wage to live a comfortable lifestyle. His wife is a stay-at-home mom, and cares for their 2-year-old twins on top of tackling any household chores that need to be done.

The original poster (OP) said that he usually spends some quality time with his kids once he finishes his shift and waits for his wife to finish making dinner. They work together to care for the twins for the rest of the evening, before his wife usually goes back to cleaning up the kitchen and any other leftover chores.

This system was working well until recently, as OP’s wife said she was feeling burned out and unappreciated. However, OP told her that they both had to work and that she shouldn’t always expect to be recognized for a job well done. Since then, the pair have had some disagreements, resulting in OP wondering if he was wrong for what he said to his wife.

In his Reddit post, OP talked about how he and his wife agreed that his wife would become a stay-at-home mother after they got married. They don’t have much family nearby, and wanted to spend as much time with their kids as possible. OP also makes enough money to support his family, with both him and his wife having access to the funds.

OP works from home from 7 a.m. to 5 p.m. and spends time with his kids after his shift is over, while his wife continues to cater to chores. “She is great at her job and the house is spotless,” OP admitted. “I am happy with this arrangement and I thought my wife was too.”

OP’s wife recently talked to him about how she was feeling “burned out, unappreciated and taken for granted.” She said it would be nice if he could start showing her how much he appreciated her, like buying her favorite chocolate bar or another small gesture – something that OP admitted he had never done before.

“We recently had a massive argument because my wife got completely fed up with being ‘treated like a servant,’” OP said. “She basically said that her working hours are 5 a.m. to 9 p.m., seven days a week and that she feels like I take her for granted. I told her that I understand it’s a tough job but we both get on with our respective roles.” OP explained that he works to provide for his family, and doesn’t understand why his wife wanted to be rewarded for doing her job.

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OP understood his wife had tiring responsibilities, but asked, “But at the same time, do I need to thank her on bended knee and buy her things just for doing her job?”

Redditors were quick to reply and tell OP how wrong he was for not showing his wife how much he appreciates her in a way that is meaningful to her. One user commented, “Correction her hours are not 5 a.m. to 9 p.m. her hours are 24/7. You don’t get a break from being a mom and you seem not to realize how exhausting it actually is.”

Another said, “It’s really too much to ask to occasionally buy your wife a bar of chocolate or say thank you? It sounds like she is working harder than you, but that isn't even the point. Appreciating her and showing her you love her is part of being a decent husband. If you’re a robot who doesn’t need appreciation, that doesn’t mean she has to be too.”

A third user said, “It’s amazing – it’s like your wife wanted to (be) treated like a wife and partner, instead of an incubator/nanny/housekeeper. Your wife is telling you explicitly what she needs – she needs you to show her that she’s appreciated. You are told – in a variety of ways at your job – that you are appreciated, I have no doubt. Your wife expecting that low bar to be met is reasonable.”

Since then, OP edited his post to say that he frequently says “thank you” to his wife, but understands this may not be her love language.

Do you agree with Redditors that this husband should do more to show his wife that she’s appreciated? Let us know, and feel free to pass this along to your family and friends, too.