How To Tell If You're Dating A Man, Not Just A Boy

May 14, 2018 by apost team

It's easy to blame the other person when a date goes wrong or a relationship fails, but after many years of being a "grown-up", I’ve learned that first, we have to examine ourselves. Why was I always attracting people who weren't ready for serious relationships?

Like many other women, I wrote it off as a curse I was just born with.
 

As it turns out, I had some emotional baggage that I didn't even realize was there. After my parents divorced, I internalized all of their pain that they tried to hide from me, and I inadvertently made myself unavailable to men.
 

Instead, I allowed myself to date boys.

I stopped hoping my dream man would waltz through the door and knew I had to make some serious changes in myself. In order to attract what I wanted, I had to become what I wanted.
 

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For the first time in my adult life, I stopped dating until I knew for sure that I was a whole person by myself. Nobody needs a "better half" because that implies we aren't adequate on our own. I am more than adequate. I had to reassure myself that I was going to do great things and be an amazing person regardless of who I happen to be spending my time with.

I took some time to talk to my parents about their divorce. I realized that I never actually sat down with them and had a serious conversation about it. I just pretended the problems were never there. Whether your parents are still together or divorced like mine, asking them how to be in a successful relationship is incredibly enlightening.
 

Both of them separately came to the same conclusion: marriage is an equal partnership, but some days it will be 10-90 and other days it will be 45-65. When people aren't prepared to make tons of compromises to make things work, then it gets messy.

All my life I had been secretly afraid of letting someone in because I didn't want to be abandoned. I was going to have to trust someone if I wanted a serious relationship with them. All the boys I had dated before liked making me jealous because I sent out the vibes that I am a jealous person.
 

When you are a whole person, you attract like-minded people who want enriching relationships. Sure, relationships are work, but you should only be in one if that person is making your life better. Adult relationships are not full of games and hidden motives. Adult relationships are nurturing both parties to be the best person they can be.

It's easy to get frustrated when you can't seem to find your soulmate, but you will undoubtedly know when they show up. But first, you have to be ready for them.

Did you learn something from this story? Be sure to share it with all of your friends so they know how to find true love.