Finding Meaning In Life Based On 4 Pillars Proven By Psychology

Dec 29, 2018 by apost team

Look at most self-help and happiness books of yore, and odds are that the words “self-reflection” will be in there somewhere. People, perhaps you included, have devoted endless hours upon self-reflection. Questions like “Am I happy?” have likely plagued your life for too long.

While self-reflective questions can be helpful, they can also become a burden that prevents us from our realizing our greater purpose - finding meaning in life. So, if not “am I happy,” then what should you be asking yourself?

A Harris Poll Survey for happiness amongst Americans concluded that around 66% couldn’t report feelings of happiness. This isn’t so surprising considering how society and culture constantly demand us to evaluate our placement, merit, and success and failures within the world. Plus, we are asked to then evaluate how we feel about it all. This forced self-reflection applies to everything from our jobs and possessions to relationships and beliefs.

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For most, the assessment can look bleak and unfavorable. After all, who has the ideal version of everything in life? As such, the quest for happiness becomes daunting and sometimes even seems impossible to achieve.

A 2011 study showed that those actively seeking happiness found unhappiness instead. Irony? One group of female subjects highly valued happiness, but they reported low levels even under low life stress. A second group also highly valued happiness, but they reacted less positive to happy times due to their own higher expectations of happiness.

The above study ultimately suggested happiness may be a key ingredient to your well-being and is thus a reasonable expectation, but that expecting happiness to equate to beneficial outcomes is often a mistake.

It’s the disappointment property of placing too much importance on the value of happiness that can ultimately be self-defeating as the threshold goes higher and higher for what experiences meets the demand of expectations. Even as life changes for the better, you can still feel more unhappy if that betterment isn’t up to the standard of happiness you’ve set.

This is why psychology has moved away from the “are you happy” question. The search for happiness and the vetting process for its existence is most often a fallacy designed to lead you down a path of endless discouragement. Instead, you should be on a quest to find the meaning in life, or rather the meaning specific to your own life.

So, how do you let go? Let’s explore four steps (pillars) that put an end to the endless pursuit of happiness and set you upon a course to find real meaning in life.

On the surface, searching for meaning may seem just as daunting as searching for happiness. There’s a huge difference, however. Finding meaning in your life can result in more positivity, and having a better attitude toward the things you do unassumingly results in taking more pleasure in the things you do. Here are the steps to finding that meaning:

We spend lifetimes searching for happiness that is just beyond reach or nowhere in sight. Human nature leads you to reflect - what went wrong, right, etc. In the reflection, even the positives are often mooted as we realize we aren’t as happy as we thought we were or should be, which leads to retreat, surrender, and misery.

The pursuit for meaning is a much different experience, which involves a perspective beyond just your current situation. It’s a profound experience when you realize the control perspective has on your mindset and that you have over perspective.

You’re able to connect with the grand, big picture of your life, which makes the current highs and lows easier to control and ride to the finish line. Moments of unhappiness aren’t seen as boulders on a very short road . Instead, they’re just bumps along a very long road. Solutions aren’t time-centered when you focus on life’s meaning verses your current state of happiness. Your vision will extend past what you feel in the moment because you know that it doesn’t define the entirety of your existence.

We live in an “I-centered” world of I need and I want. You should search out things bigger than yourself. It’s called transcendence, and it doesn’t have to be a religious, spiritual, or academic process. Instead, it’s about letting your sense of self drift away from your center so that your focus is on the reality of something greater than yourself.

From realizing a sense of belonging to having an elation or awe like nothing felt before, different people experience transcendence different ways. There’s no right or wrong way.

The greatest way to experience love is through action, not feeling. Acting with love will naturally result in the feelings of love. Note that the pursuit of love is akin to the pursuit of happiness. It’s fleeting and often counterproductive.

Focus on cultivating the relationships you have and ensuring you’re surrounding yourself with people you act out of love for and vice versa. You’ll find that many share your pursuit of meaning.

You’ll also see that your existence in the universe truly matters and that you’re never alone. Belonging helps assure your sense of self in ways fleeting moments of happiness never can, and it’s these deep connections that give you the power to relate outside of your own needs and actions.

Deeper connections can be made through asking the right questions that lead to vulnerability and intimacy. Try these on family, friends, and romantic interests:

• What’s your idea of friendship?
• Pick one person, dead or alive, as a lunch date.
• If crystal balls were real, what would be the top three questions you’d ask it?
• A fire breaks out and all living creatures are safe; if you could only save one thing, what would it be and why?
• What do you feel most grateful for in your life?

Knowing a purpose for your life helps refine its meaning.

The conventional approach of seeking a purpose as a point in the future gets the concept of “purpose” all wrong. Your purpose is already within you. It's in your values and the way you connect with those around you. Having trouble identifying it? Ask yourself these questions:

• How would you fill your hours without the obligation of a job?
• What did you love as a child?
• What do you talk about with the people you enjoy spending time with?
• Do you have a bucket list? What’s on it?
• Can you describe the issues you hold dearest to your heart?
• Does anything make you forget the world around you?
• Do you have a dream you could make happen? How?

The design of these self-asked and answered questions is to focus your purpose and meaning on the present moment and what already exists within you, not a future point in time that may or may not even be a reality. Here and now is the reality. In doing this, you won’t feel like you’re waiting on your purpose to find you, either. You have the free agency and power to realize it now.

For most, that purpose will be in whatever gives you the ability to contribute to the joy in your own life and the lives of others, and it’s usually not tied to any finite entity. After all, marriages fail, jobs end, and money disappears. When everything dies and fades, what’s left is your own unique sense of purpose.

Had this helped you to devalue the pursuit of happiness and place more value on your purpose and meaning? Feel free to share your questions, thoughts, and stories in the comment section, and do pass this along to others you know stuck pursuing happiness in vain.