Father Yells At His Parents, Asks Them To Stop Harassing Their Teenage Grandson

Aug 19, 2021 by apost team

Redditors part of the AITA community are taking the side of one father who says his parents are “harassing” their grandson for not being masculine enough. As this father of three’s July 2021 post explains, his middle son, who is 14, is more feminine than his other boys, participating in gymnastics and ballet, wearing more girly clothing and occasionally painting his nails. The original poster goes on to explain that his son is not queer; rather, he simply presents as more feminine, which both his parents accept.

This young man’s grandparents, on the other hand, are not as tolerant of their middle grandson’s more feminine qualities. The father goes on to write that his parents are both “pretty homophobic and slightly racist,” pointing to the fact that his parents had a problem with him marrying a Colombian woman. And then there’s how they treat their 14-year-old grandson. According to the father, they have unrelentingly tried to make their grandson admit that he’s gay and to force him into more masculine activivities.

As to why the father hadn’t dealt with his parents’ intolerance before, he explains that he needed to maintain a good relationship with them, as he needed help with childcare while he and his wife were struggling financially.

But now his kids are older, and so they can watch themselves. This, combined with a recent incident in which the grandparents had the 14-year-old in tears after trying to get him to admit he’s gay, prompted the original to tell his grandparents that he and his wife “wouldn't go to their funerals.”

As for who is in the wrong in this case, Redditors seem to vindicate the father while blaming the grandparents. The Reddit community emphasized that it was good that the father drove to his parents’ house to defend his son, telling them “to back off and to stop harassing him.”

“Kids like your son needs parents like you to defend them,” one top comment reads. “However, I do question you letting his grandparents drive him to his appointment knowing what they are like. At this point, however, I think your grandparents need to no longer see your sons. After all, your middle child has been suffering emotional abuse from them for who knows how long and your oldest is afraid to be himself around them.”

Another supportive Redditor writes, “You’re a wonderful dad sticking up for your son. We all say extreme things when we’re mad, and they made your son cry for being who he is, so you’re definitely not an a**hole at all.”

However, the Reddit community did not unanimously agree. Many Redditors argued that while the grandparents were certainly in the wrong for being bigoted, the father was also in the wrong for not protecting his son and keeping him away from them earlier.

“I’m going against the grain here and saying (everyone sucks here) because it never should have gotten to this point. Your parents have been shaming and harassing your son all along and you put up with it because ‘money was right and you needed child care.’ You don’t get to take credit now for protecting him,” one Redditor wrote.

Agreeing with the above sentiment, another community member wrote:

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“You should have known this would happen. You know what they're like. They were racist about your wife. They've already been harassing your son because they think he's gay. They've already repeatedly refused to stop. I know doctor's appointments are hard to schedule but you should have found another time or way.”

Some Redditors also proposed solutions to the problem, such as limiting his family’s contact with the toxic grandparents or cutting them off altogether.

According to Tracy S. Hutchinson’s article in Psychology Today, there’s a technical term for this: “family estrangement.” Hutchinson points out that the decision to discontinue a relationship with a family member is often a protective measure.

“Research supports that those who estrange do it as a ‘protective’ measure to their overall well-being and describe it as a relief. However, it also comes with significant loss and hurt. Holidays, birthdays, and disasters or emergencies may be difficult,” Hutchinson writes.

With that said, Hutchinson also notes that family members don’t have to cut contact completely. For example, the father in this story could simply reduce the number of times he and his sons see his parents every year, or they could simply keep in touch via text or email.

“‘Social distancing’ has become a term that is ingrained due to COVID-19, but other forms of distancing in family relationships may be helpful to consider before estrangement,” Hutchinson explains. “This means considering or limiting communication only to phone, e-mail, or text and also limiting frequency (once a week, once a month, once a year, etc). Maintaining distance is different for each person and depends on the relationship, your responsibility within the relationship, and managing guilt.”

Did this dad do the right thing, or should he have acted sooner? Let us know — and be sure to pass this story on to others.