Father Asks If Refusing To ‘Let’ His Son Have Two Last Names Is Wrong — Doesn’t Know Why It’s A Big Deal For His Wife

Dec 13, 2021 by apost team

Having a baby comes with a lot of exciting moments, from picking out items to put in the nursery to having a baby shower to picking out the perfect name for your future little one. Some parents-to-be pick out names based on their own family history, as these could be names that hold a lot of meaning to them, while others pick out a name simply based on their own personal preference.

For one dad-to-be, he and his wife found themselves having a big disagreement over the name of their future son. While it seemed like the baby’s first name and middle name were still up in the air, the baby’s surname was constantly being heavily discussed. The dad-to-be was persistent with the idea of his son having his last name, but his wife disagreed. 

The two come from different backgrounds and cultures, resulting in them having some disagreements every now and then. The wife kept her maiden name when the couple got married, so she wanted their son to have both last names. However, the husband didn’t want his son to have too long of a name, and was determined to make sure that he only had one surname. He figured since his wife didn’t take his last name when they got married, it only made sense that their son would have his last name to carry on the family tradition.

This has resulted in arguments between the couple and issues within both sides of the family, so the dad-to-be went to Reddit on Dec. 8, 2021, to ask users for their advice on the matter.

In his Reddit post, the original poster (OP) asked if he was wrong for “refusing to let” his son have two last names. The surname issue has come up before in their relationship. “She comes from a country where women get to keep their maiden name after marriage,” OP said. 

He explained he was fine with her decision to keep her maiden name, but his family was unhappy about it since it went against their southern heritage. Fortunately, everyone has been able to reconcile their differences since, until now.

“Now this ‘last name’ issue has been brought up again when my wife and I found out we were expecting a baby boy,” OP said. “I sat with my wife down and told her that my son is going to get my last name and explained so that there’s no confusion, but she disagreed and said no and came up with a compromise which was that our son gets both our last names.” 

However, OP didn’t want their son to have a long or complicated name, and wanted his son to only have his last name, but his wife still disagreed.

“She threw a fit calling me selfish and accused me of treating her as if she as a mother gets less or no say, but I reminded her that she got to keep her maiden name and so we’re even,” OP said. “She then argued that I was mixing two things that are unrelated and was holding the fact she got to keep her maiden name over her head though it was her right to do that same with deciding what surname our son will have.”

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OP said he couldn’t compromise because his family would not react well to the news. His wife continued to call him selfish, but OP reasoned that he was just looking out for their future son’s best interest. “I just think she’s being deliberately stubborn here, but I’m not sure,” OP said.

Unfortunately for OP, Reddit users were not on his side and were quick to call him out for his rude and controlling behavior. One user commented, “‘My’ son, not even ‘our.’ OP’s wife seems to be an incubator and nothing else. I didn’t see the slightest amount of affection in this whole horrible misogynist pamphlet.” Another added, “And you’re also a liar. You’re not looking out for your son’s best interests. You’re looking out for your own. You’re just afraid of your family.”

A third user said:

“You don’t get to make this decision unilaterally. You say it is important your child only have one last name. The obvious compromise is that the child gets one last name (your preference) and that it is her last name (her preference). That is a win-win. Otherwise, it’s obvious that you’re lying when you say it is important to you that your child has one last name, what you really care about is the patriarchal, misogynistic norm that a child have the father’s last name.”

In an edit of his post, OP explained that the last name issue was a result of being a blended family with two different backgrounds. “We tend to disagree sometimes,” he said.

Whose side are you on in this situation? Let us know, and be sure to pass this along to your family members and friends as well.