Expectant Mother Won’t Tell Husband Their Baby’s Gender After He Skipped The Scan For Meal With Friend

Jan 06, 2023 by apost team

Pregnancy is a unique and joyful time for mothers, but it isn't always butterflies and rainbows. The experience of pregnancy differs from mother to mother; for some women, it is a breeze, while for others, it is filled with health issues that cause anxiety. 

Being pregnant can be challenging for some women. Some may find it physically painful along the way, while others might need emotional support. The pain can also be hard to go through, depending on the trimester a woman is in. Either way, women need support throughout their pregnancy journey. And often, the best way to handle the situation is to have someone by their side — notably, the person they are having the baby with.

Reddit user u/Thrownoreveal1 posted to the platform in January 2023 explaining she is expecting a child with her husband, but it seems like her partner couldn’t be bothered to go with her to many of her doctor’s appointments, even the most important one.

“This is our first baby, and we're excited. Thing is, he barely attends any dr appointments with me, and his excuses aren't even valid. He's willing to miss the dr appointment over soccer or a drink or board game with friends. His response is always, "I'm not the one carrying the baby, why do I have to go see the dr with you?” OP (Original Poster) wrote in the thread. 

OP revealed that her husband had been consistently absent from her doctor’s appointments, even at the gender reveal appointment. After her husband spent time with his friends rather than being with her, OP refused to disclose the gender of their child to him — and she asked the internet if she was in the wrong for doing such. 

Emotional support is crucial for most people, especially mothers who have to carry their children in their wombs for nine months. Physically, being pregnant is taxing enough, so it's an unspoken rule for their partners to be with them every step of the way, as it is the least they can do.

For OP, her husband missing the gender reveal appointment was her “final straw.” This is because the husband was finally coming to a doctor’s appointment but got sidetracked and bailed last minute when he was invited by a friend for fish and chips. 

“I was pretty livid but didn't make a fuss about it. Mom went with me instead,” she continued. “He texted asking me to tell him the results (boy or girl) but I refused to tell him. He kept spam calling me, but I hung up each time.”

OP then said that when her husband arrived home, he demanded to know the results, but she refused to do so. 

“Since he refused to attend the appointment then he gets no results til after the baby's born and said I was willing to die on this hill,” OP bluntly told her husband. 

Fuming with his wife’s decision, the husband then called her “spiteful,” “dramatic,” and “immature” for “punishing” him, invoking his rights as a father to know the gender of his unborn child. 

OP was unfazed, saying that her husband “gets no results, period.” But taking to the thread, she asked everyone if she was in the wrong, and everyone was in chorus that what she did was valid and right. 

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Like OP, Redditors were blunt in their responses to her question, even suggesting the extremes of leaving her husband just because of his attitude toward their unborn child. 

“NTA. Already a deadbeat dad before the baby is even born,” a user posted. 

“You need to seriously reconsider this relationship. He's showing you that he and his friends are more important than you and the baby. He sees going to appointments with you as punishment, not as a chance to make sure you and the baby are healthy,” user Greyeyedqueen7 advised. 

“He's litterally prioritising fish n chips over his unborn baby. Is this really who you want to raise a child with?” someone asked. 

Meanwhile, other users in the thread pointed out and seemingly suggested a larger question at hand: 

“​​NTA. But the bigger question. Are you prepared for divorce? This is an indication of many things to come, and if he can't be there for the most critical point in your life at this moment, it will only get worse,” user FrostyLimit6354 asked. 

“It’s rotten not to tell him, of course. But you guys have way bigger issues than this. I’d book couples counseling and tell him you’ll give him the gender there. You guys need to get aligned before this baby is born,” another offered. 

“You know you’ll need to sit down and have a very real conversation about this, though? I’m not saying divorce, but if he’s blowing you (and your pregnancy) off as frequently as you say he is, you’re going to want to handle this before little one gets here,” someone commented. 

In a later update, OP revealed that her husband had even gone to the lengths of contacting her doctor to get the result, which led to another huge argument. 

If you were OP, would you have done the same thing and hidden the gender of your baby from the father? What do you think about the father’s reaction? Was it reasonable for him to be angry? Let us know, and pass this on to your family, friends and other mothers who you think would know the answer!