Don't Expect Loyalty From Someone Who Can't Even Give You Honesty

Aug 15, 2018 by apost team

There is a reason we have the expression True Love. Many people fall in love, but that doesn't mean they will necessarily treat you in a very loving fashion. Real love involves something more than a short term rush of emotion. That could just be the excitement of new experiences talking, experiences you could end up regretting if you aren't careful with your heart.

Part of the problem comes from our ambiguous use of the word love. It is both a verb and a noun. As a noun, it describes the feeling we have when we are in love. As a verb, it describes the kind of behavior that does such a good job taking care of another that it elevates the relationship to a loving relationship, not merely a nice relationship.

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Yet, because we use one word for these two different things, we often are confused as to what we are really talking about to begin with. Do we mean the emotion? Or do we mean mutually caring behavior in a committed relationship?

This is also why we have song lines like "Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you Or are you goin' back to the one you love?" Being in love and behaving in a loving fashion are simply not the same thing.

Real love involves a mutual commitment to one another's welfare.

Both partners need to be looking out for each other's best interests, not merely looking out for number one. If that isn't true of the relationship, then the long-term prospects of the relationship are pretty poor. If it is true, the relationship can weather the inevitable storms of life and grow stronger in them for having the truth revealed because the truth will be a beautiful truth, not an ugly one.

But before you get to some big crisis that will test your relationship, how do you tell if it is on solid ground? How do you tell in day-to-day life that this person really is being good to you and not just thrilling you?

A simple test is to check how honest they are with you. If they aren't even telling you the truth about things before there is drama, then you can bet they will do what is convenient for them at your expense should push come to shove.

Being honest isn't always easy, but you need to have the facts so you can make informed decisions in life. Little white lies are pernicious. They erode your understanding of reality and of who this person is. They plant false ideas about what the relationship is about and about what is really going on in life.

People often say "The truth hurts." But it really doesn't have to be a hurtful thing. In many cases, the truth hurts because we have bad habits or we didn't spend much time thinking about what our real message is. At such times, the words come out too rough and can get in the way of good communication.

Here are some best practices for dealing with thorny issues honestly without hurting each other:

• Schedule the discussion. Don't spring it on them.
• Put it in writing so they can "hear" it separate from when you are "saying" it.
• Practice active listening to make sure the hurt isn't simply a case of tragic misunderstanding.

From your end, you can make sure you aren't overreacting to uncomfortable truths. You should not be inadvertently encouraging them to tell little white lies by turning every little thing into drama until they just want to avoid the drama more than anything else. Remember that it takes two to make a relationship work and do your part to make honesty an acceptable choice for your partner to make.

It is also okay to not have an absolute zero tolerance policy.

If you catch them in a small lie, let them know that this needs to stop and is unacceptable behavior. If it becomes an obvious pattern, you should leave. But everyone is entitled to make one mistake and do a little growing.

If they lie to you habitually, you really have no idea what is going on. It is all a mirage. No matter how wonderful it seems, you can't trust it.

How do you like them apples? Do you know someone who needs to hear this? Forward it now!