Dating Rules: Important Qualities To Look For In Order To Find Mr. Right
Jan 08, 2021 by apost team
Dating is not everyone's cup of tea. It sometimes seems like there may just not be enough nice people out there. Or maybe you keep running into the wrong people. However, sometimes changing your outlook and reshuffling your priorities can make the process easier. These tips can help you understand the integral questions and points you need to keep in mind while playing the dating game.
Decide What Qualities Are Important For You
Before you go looking for Mr. Right, figure out what characteristics are important for you in a partner. After all, knowing this is half the battle won. How can we look for something without knowing what it is we are looking for? Some important things to consider might be:
What values are important for you? It is easy to say a partner who is honest and caring is essential, but putting realistic questions out there helps solidify your needs. One question may be: Is family life just as important as your career goals? Are you social and outgoing, or do you prefer to keep to a comfortable set of friends? Questions like these help you understand yourself better and thus make it easier to find similar values in a partner.
How much does faith play a role in your life, and how important is it that your partner shares your desire for faith?
What sort of future are you aiming for? If you want to travel throughout your life and explore other countries and cultures, make that a priority and tell your potential partner about it. A person who shares the same vision of the future can make your life way easier.
Another important thing to consider is their views on children and family. If you are a person for whom raising a family is integral, then a partner who shares the same goals reduces future heartache.
Financial goals are also critical. Are you a spender or a saver? Does your partner share the same outlook on money as you?
These are some examples of questions you can ask yourself as well as your future partner. Knowing yourself thoroughly can streamline the process of finding a person whose future goals align with yours.
He Respects You
There is a stark difference between being loved and being respected. Most often, the pursuit of love makes us forget that respect is also an integral foundation in relationships. While it may seem that love and respect are interchangeable, it is not the case. Respect stems from another person valuing your thoughts, opinions, and expectations. This may look like a person who listens to your ideas and gives them importance, for example. Or maybe they understand that your needs may be different from their own, and they make an effort to meet them.
A relationship without respect may make you feel insignificant and guilty for asking for more, lowering self-esteem. The best way to understand if someone respects you in a relationship is to ask yourself, “Do I feel heard? Do I feel confident in telling this person my inner thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment?” If the answer is yes, then you are on a good path.
Another thing to remember is that respect is an integral part of a person’s trait. A man who respects people around him will most likely respect you too, so make observations about how he treats members of his family as well as strangers. This will give you an idea of how this person will behave with you in the future.
Sense Of Humor
Life doesn’t always have to be grey and dull, and a good partner makes sure that things don’t stay too serious for too long. This does not mean that a person is constantly joking around or trying to make light of a serious situation, of course, it just means that a person can see the brighter side of things.
There is a stark difference between types of humor a person uses as well. A study published in 2014 found that couples who use positive humor, such as trying to cheer their partner up positively contributed to the overall relationship satisfaction. On the other hand, negative humor such as making fun of the person or using offensive jokes had a negative impact on the relationship. The aim of humor should be complementary to the overall relationship and not make you feel attacked or offended.
While humor is not a predictor of how long a marriage will last, a study did find that partners in long-term relationships tended to have a similar sense of humor. Some people’s sense of humor may rub others the wrong way, so keeping this in mind can help you understand if a relationship can go on for the long haul. As long as you and your partner can keep each other laughing, there is a great chance that the relationship will last.
He Can Communicate Well
There is a reason that communication is one of the founding pillars of any relationship. We cannot read each others’ minds so clear communication is the next best thing to that. Unfortunately, many people expect that the other person magically understands what they need, and if a partner comes into the relationship with this attitude, it leads to a lot of animosity between the parties.
There are different styles of communication people employ. Some people may believe that some things can be left unsaid because they are inherently understood, which may not always work for somebody who needs to hear clearly what the other person needs. For example, in counselor Gary Chapman's bestselling book "The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts," he explains that there are five different ways that people communicate love. Some communicate their love through gifts while others communicate through touching their partners, spending quality time with them, performing tasks for them, and speaking to them with words of affirmation.
"We speak and understand best our native [love] language," Chapman writes. "We feel most comfortable speaking that language. The more we use a secondary language, the more comfortable we become conversing in it. If we speak only our primary language and encounter someone else who speaks only his or her primary language, which is different from ours, our communication will be limited. We must rely on pointing, grunting, drawing pictures, or acting out our ideas. We can communicate, but it is awkward.”
Another problem in communication also lies in conflict resolution: many partners tend to withdraw rather than engage in an argument, which leads to lower satisfaction overall in relationships according to a study by Keith Sanford, a psychology professor at Baylor University. Find out early on if a partner can communicate well enough with you.
To be a good communicator, you must also be a good listener and vice versa. The right man will not only be clear in his communication but also gives you space to say your piece and be heard.
Flexibility And Compromise
Adaptability and compromise are two other pillars of a healthy relationship. Everything rarely, if ever, goes according to plan, so knowing how to go with the flow is essential. A person who is rigid in his values and beliefs does not give room for things to develop naturally. Too often we hear that in a good relationship, we are not compelled to change. “Be who you are and don’t be apologetic” is a saying that is thrown around a lot, but making the distinction between compromise and change for the good, and changing against your natural instinct must be made.
In any relationship, be it romantic or platonic, an organic change in character comes about. If you feel compelled to change without getting anything in return, it becomes a sacrifice and not a compromise. Finding a middle ground that works for both of you leads to long term happiness and joy for both parties.
Instead of a phrase such as, “I love you, but this is a compromise I am making for you”, a healthy relationship sounds like, “I love, and I am willing to accommodate your needs to make our relationship successful.” It only works if it comes from both of you, however.
He Plays An Equal Part In The Relationship
While this point may seem quite obvious, there are subtler details within it that can make a world of difference when looking for a partner. Ask yourself, what does being an equal part of the relationship mean to you? Studies show that equal division of labor around the house equals a stronger relationship, for example. However, being an equal part of the relationship does not have to be limited to household chores.
Emotionally, a good partner is equally invested in the relationship as you are. This means that your partner is willing to meet your needs without making you feel like he is doing you a favor. Emotional investment means carving time out for each other, keeping the relationship alive by investing in interests the other person appreciates and working with you to resolve conflicts and misunderstandings. A relationship does not just happen — it involves hard work. If there is only one party willing to put the effort in, the relationship is as good as over.
What did you think of this list? Do you have anything to add? Let us know in the comments below, and be sure to share this with your friends if you think it could help them!