Dad Takes To Social Media To Share Frustrating Sexism He Faces As His Kids’ Primary Caregiver

Aug 26, 2021 by apost team

In a lot of families, the mother is the primary caregiver of the children, and this dynamic has long been considered the “normal” situation for childcare. However, in growing numbers fathers are staying home to take care of their children while their wives go to work. One stay-at-home dad took to Reddit to share his frustration over the mistreatment he faces from doctors and daycare providers when he is trying to care for his children. 

The dad explained that his kids have been sick recently so he took them to the doctor for a wellness check-up. He said that the doctor was polite to him but did not elaborate on any information. The father noted that this is the opposite treatment his wife gets when she goes along for appointments. When the wife is present the doctor is always answering and asking questions and generally sharing more information.

The Reddit post said that the dad faces the same type of sexism when he goes to pick his children up from daycare. The providers have withheld information from him in the past to wait until they could contact the mother first with news about their children. The father explained that this type of treatment is rampant and he faces exclusion from the stay-at-home moms in his community.

When his kids want to get together with their friends, the stay-at-home moms always text the father’s wife at work to coordinate plans, when he is the one responsible for taking the kids to the playdate. Other users commented on the post sharing their advice and similar experiences. Read on to learn more about this father’s story.

The upset father wrote in his Reddit post, “When I take the kids to either their female doctor or female nurse practitioner, the visits are lovely and nice, but also quite short and sweet. We talk for maybe 2 minutes. Then they disappear and I go on to get the prescription or whatever is needed.”

He continued, “And it's always a completely different story when my wife takes the kids. They talk and talk and talk. A hundred questions are asked and answered. They discuss the kids' health and development in depth.” 

The father makes an effort to discuss his kids with their daycare providers as well, but they are only cordial and don’t go into detail about the children. He shared, “It's the same story at daycare. The women there are always lovely to me. But they never talk or discuss the kids. I do over 80% of the pick-ups and drop-offs. And I initiate chit-chat and ask questions of the child care providers.”

“And there's more of the same with our local Stay At Home Moms. They text each other all the time. My kids play with theirs all the time. But when there's a play date, you know how I know? They text my wife. At work. And then she texts me. They all know I do most of the childcare and that my wife works a regular 40hr. But it's been this way for years.,” the dad explained. 

This type of mistreatment comes up so often for him, he is frustrated. He summed up his emotions, “Sometimes, like now, it just gets to me and makes me a little angry. It's a quiet sexism but it is persistent. And I don't feel like being confrontational about it... But it is frustrating.”

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This father is not alone. A study from the Pew Research Center reveals: “A record 40% of all households with children under the age of 18 include mothers who are either the sole or primary source of income for the family, according to an analysis of data from the U.S. Census Bureau. The share was just 11% in 1960.”

The report also said that the majority of people surveyed think children are better off when their mother is the primary caregiver. It reads, “About half (51%) of survey respondents say that children are better off if a mother is home and doesn’t hold a job, while just 8% say the same about a father.” 

One user shared their experience with sexism in response to the original post. The person wrote, “A few years ago my daughter had a doctor's appointment coming up. So I phone the office, let them know the issue, get her appointment booked, then the woman on the phone says, ‘Alright, now please let your wife know that when she brings your daughter in, she has to…’"

The commenter continued, “I am a single Dad. Have been since the kid was born. Her mother's name wasn't even on the file. Your post makes me wonder what else I missed during those years because someone didn't feel like telling a dad about it.”

The original poster replied to the comment saying, “I hope, and expect, all the really important stuff is covered during our visits. I really do feel fortunate that we have good medical providers. But, still, I hate to say it but my experience is that the kids don't get quite the same level of care and attention when I take them, as opposed to when my wife takes them.” 

Do you think children should be raised primarily by their mothers? Do you have any stories similar to what this dad experienced? Let us know and be sure to send this on to your loved ones.