Dad Hides Formula From Mom So She Has 'No Choice' But To Breastfeed Her Biter Baby

Sep 10, 2021 by apost team

Mothers are often expected to sacrifice everything for their children. Whether it’s a woman’s career, social life or physical well-being, many moms have to completely change their lives until their children are older and can take care of themselves. Despite these potentially significant life changes, not many mothers talk about the hardships of being a parent — especially not on glossy, glamorous TV shows or in the media.

One mother, however, opened up about her struggles as a parent on Reddit’s AITA subreddit to ask whether she was wrong “for not breastfeeding (her) baby because she bites.”

In the May 2020 post, the new mother explains that she has a 10-month-old daughter who started biting during breastfeeding. The mother writes that her breasts are so sore and damaged that she has to tell her daughter “no” and physically put her down when she bites. Thanks to advances in nutrition and technology, there are alternatives to breastfeeding, however. But things aren’t so simple for this new mother.

While she tries to use a breast pump, she writes that the machine is still “extremely painful” due to her injuries. Instead, she has found a happy medium between pumping and giving her 10-month-old baby formula. Here’s where the marital conflict comes in. This woman’s husband is completely against feeding their child formula, as he deems it “not ‘natural’ or something” — regardless of his wife’s condition. Their disagreements regarding the baby formula got so bad that the husband hid his wife’s baby formula so that she had “no choice” but to breastfeed. Redditors have weighed in on the debate — and they aren’t mincing words.

“This is just plain awful, there's no mincing words, no other way to put it,” the top comment reads. 

“I am filled with righteous indignation on your behalf. A good husband wouldn't gaslight his wife into thinking that she is somehow doing her child wrong by making certain her child gets the nutrients she needs while make certain that her own body isn't relegated to the status of a chew toy. I don't even know you and I'm FUMING,” they added.

The Redditor went on to say that if she had been in the same situation, she would “tell him I'd see the formula back immediately, or I'd see him in court.”

Other commenters were also outraged by the original poster’s husband and his actions, with some suggesting that her husband is “abusive” and a “sociopath” and that she should “divorce” him immediately.

“He is not the one having his nipples bitten off daily, he needs to close his mouth on this one and support you,” a Redditor wrote. “There is nothing wrong with formula, and your baby is almost at the point where they can eat real food anyways. Does your husband have a history of disregarding your feelings and needs for your body? Does he help equally with the baby?”

While the original poster hasn’t posted any major updates, she did respond to a Redditor who asked whether her husband was always so "controlling."

“No,” she replies, adding, “He's just absolutely insane about this one issue. He's never done anything like this before.”

apost.com

As this woman’s husband demonstrates, baby formula has quite a stigma in the parenting world. For example, a BBC survey in the U.K. found that more than a third of women polled “revealed they felt ashamed for giving their child formula.”

In a column for the Harvard Health Blog, Dr. Claire McCarthy, a primary care pediatrician at Boston Children’s Hospital and assistant professor at Harvard Medical School, argues that “we shouldn't demonize formula feeding.”

In her nuanced piece, she explains that the benefits of breastfeeding are clear. “Breast is best — we pediatricians say this all the time, because it’s true. Breast milk was uniquely designed for human babies, and many studies have shown its health benefits,” she writes.

However, McCarthy also argues that we need to “keep the big picture in mind,” as various circumstances in a woman’s life — whether that is not producing enough milk or not having enough time — means that it isn’t always easy or possible to breastfeed all the time. Formula “isn’t evil,” McCarthy explains, and stigmatizing mothers who use it doesn’t make much sense.

“When we demonize formula we also run the risk of shaming women who, for any number of good reasons, choose not to breastfeed. There are many other ways besides breastfeeding to help babies grow and be healthy; it’s important to keep that perspective,” she writes.

This is the argument that most Redditors made: if your wife is in pain and needs a break from breastfeeding, then using formula is a perfectly adequate alternative. As one Redditor put it: “You shouldn’t have to suffer.”

What do you think? Is this mother wrong for feeding her baby formula while she recovers from her injuries, or is her husband being inconsiderate and controlling? Let us know — and be sure to get others’ opinions.