Children Shouldn't Be Forced To Hug Anyone (Not Even Relatives), According To Experts

Nov 03, 2018 by apost team

With the holidays quickly approaching, families are preparing to gather to make special memories with loved ones from near and far. Though it's only natural to want to express one's excitement and delight at seeing your relatives with displays of affection, experts are giving a word of warning.

When it comes to children, they shouldn't be forced into any kind of physical touch that makes them feel uncomfortable, even if it's touch that's generally regarded as "harmless."

When grandparents or uncles and aunts are reunited with their grandkids, nieces, and nephews after being apart for most of the year, they will likely try to offer hugs or kisses. If those signs of affection aren't reciprocated or are outright refused, the older relatives may be tempted to feel hurt and slighted. That's why some explanation by the child's parents may be in order. 

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Rather than forcing your children to accept unwanted displays of affection from their relatives, you can gently explain that those physical touches make the child feel uncomfortable, according to experts at the University of Michigan. If you want to delve into the reasons why, and the child doesn't mind you doing so, you may want to explain further.

There can be any number of reasons.

Some children have sensory processing disorders that can impact their desire to be touched by others, for example. Honestly, neither you or your child truly owe an explanation for the refusal.

One of the reasons experts give for not forcing your children into accepting hugs and kisses from relatives is that it can send an unclear signal about consent. All over our current culture, we hear messages about how we have a right to say no when touches make us uncomfortable.

For a child who has been taught that lesson, it's confusing to suddenly learn that their power of consent can be violated when it comes to relatives.

Sadly, many children who are abused are taken advantage of by people they know, including relatives. This is another reason why experts encourage parents not to require their children to accept displays of affection from relatives.

Though you don't need to be suspicious each time a certain relative wants a hug, you can sometimes pick up on clues that there's something off when you watch your child.

If your son or daughter is okay with accepting affectionate embraces from most relatives but not from a certain one, you may want to have a private, heart to heart discussion with them later to find out if anything inappropriate may have happened to them.

For some kids, their desire to keep their distance isn't based on any type of abuse in their past. It is simply a personal preference that could point to a reserved personality. Regardless of their reason for not wanting to be showered with hugs or kisses, let your child know that you stand behind them.

You could also, privately, before getting together with your relatives, ask them how they feel and which touches they're personally comfortable with receiving from their relatives.

That way, you can let grandma know in advance that little Suzy prefers a handshake, high five, fist bump, or a smile to getting kissed or squeezed.

Many parents wonder how to handle it when their relatives just don't understand. After all, many of them were raised in an era when children's autonomy wasn't respected at all.

You could gently explain to them that you're trying to teach your child about the meaning of consent and that you don't want them to get confused by the rules not applying to everyone across the board. Hopefully, your relatives will understand, but if not, according to experts, it's still important to back your child.

What are your thoughts? Do you agree with the experts that kids should have the right to refuse displays of affection even from their relatives? We'd love to know your thoughts in the comments! Pass this story along to see what your friends and family think, too!