Can Men And Women Be 'Just Friends'? Asks Science, And The Answer Might Sound Harsh And Right

Jan 01, 2019 by apost team

One of the seeming great mysteries of the universe is "Can men and women be friends?" The question seems rife with trouble. Popular media, such as the movie "When Harry Met Sally" and the TV sitcom "Friends," typically answer with a resounding no. In such stories, men and women who successfully bond are destined to wind up romantically involved.

But popular wisdom somewhat contradicts this. It suggests that women are more likely than men to be seeking genuine friendship without a romantic component, thus the existence of the expression "friend-zoned," a term generally applied to a woman placing boundaries on a relationship to a male acquaintance.

And we have a Research, "Opposite-Sex Friendship: Sex Differences and Similarities in Initiation, Selection, and Dissolution", from the University of Wisconsin to back this up. It puts some actual numbers to this popular wisdom. Psychology professor April Bleske-Rechek conducted a survey exploring whether social connections of the opposite sex see each other as just friends, attractive or both friends and attractive. 

The survey of almost 200 people used a 10-point scale. Respondents were asked to describe their relationships as "We are friends," "I feel a physical attraction him or her" or both. There were notable gender differences in the outcome of the study.

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Of the male respondents, 42 per cent described themselves as attracted to an opposite-sex social contact, and 17 per cent said they were both friends and drawn. Of the female respondents, only 29 per cent self-reported being attracted to their opposite-sex social contact and only five per cent said they were both friends and attracted.

It is not out of line with other findings in this field. Other studies suggest that women generally have more friends than men and that women tend to be more social generally.

Post-divorce, women typically take it hard financially. Men usually take it hard socially and emotionally, having lost the one person to whom they had strong emotional ties. Similarly, men are more likely to die within a year of their spouse dying than women are.

Do note that this study implicitly presumes that all participants are heterosexual. Anecdotal evidence suggests that gay men and straight women have an easier time establishing a real friendship than straight men and straight women.

It, in fact, eliminates the question of "Is this platonic or romantic?" The answer is obviously "It's platonic or nothing."

The study isn't anything revolutionary. It merely confirms what most people already know: That women seeking to be friends with men are walking through a potential minefield. A better question might be how can men and women more effectively navigate such situations?

Did this surprise you? Or did you go "Oh, I knew that already!" Is it may be time to forward it to that so-called friend and say "I told you so!"