Bothered Mom Of 5-Month-Old Wonders If She’s Wrong For Refusing To Attend Her Sister’s Childless Wedding

Jan 16, 2023 by apost team

Planning a wedding can be pretty stressful, but fortunately, most people have their families and friends to rely on during this time. It's common for the bride and groom to want everything to go as flawlessly as possible and make their wedding everything they could have hoped for. 

More couples are choosing to have child-free weddings in an effort to keep everything running smoothly and to allow the adults to have a more sophisticated and mature atmosphere.

Having childless weddings has become a norm nowadays, especially for those couples who do not want the hassle of having crying children during their ceremonies or reception dinners. However, problems might arise if those people who you want to be present at the important event are the same people who want to bring their own children to your wedding. 

A bothered guest, the bride’s sister, took to Reddit’s AITA thread, wondering if she was in the wrong for not showing up to the wedding after she was declined to bring her 5-month-old child. 

“My (25) sister (31), let's say her name's Lisa, is getting married later this year. The wedding is child-free,” she wrote. “I'm currently pregnant and at the time of the wedding will have a 5-month baby. I asked Lisa if she could come as well, but Lisa said no.” 

In fairness to the original poster (OP), she wholeheartedly accepted the refusal and responded that she would not be attending the wedding because of it: “I don't feel comfortable leaving my young kid with a sitter, and my family would be at the wedding.”

However, Lisa, the bride, was “pretty p***** off” and even told OP was even “trying to act holier-than-thou and punishing her for having a child-free wedding.”

“She said she wants me to be there and give a speech as the sister of the bride, but I told her I can't attend if I can't bring my baby. She replied some of her friends have kids and they know a lot of trusted sitters, and she'll give me the numbers, but I've refused,” she added.

OP’s mother, however, offered an alternative solution to her daughter’s problem – a probable answer to her dilemma of leaving her children to an untrusted sitter. Her mother offered that she could stay home instead with the baby, while OP attended a part of the ceremony where she would give her speech and then switch out afterward. 

But, when the solution was pitched to Lisa, she insisted that she wanted her mother to be present at the entire ceremony until the end. 

Left with no more solutions to her pressing problem, it would seem that the OP is conflicted about wanting to go to her sister’s wedding and taking care of her child at the same time. 

“I don't know, I'm just looking out for myself and my kid, but I might be being an AH? Lisa's upset that I'm not attending,” she continued. 

OP’s concern about not having her child babysat by trusted nannies is something that many parents have shared concern all over the country. 

According to Very Well Family, some of the cons that many parents consider why they opt not to have their children be babysat are – differences in parenting techniques, lack of first aid medical training, and even resentment from close family members that might build if being asked regularly. 

apost.com

Meanwhile, the Reddit thread has sided with the original poster, consoling her that she is not in the wrong for refusing. 

One user even said that people are allowed to have child-free weddings, and while it should not be taken against them, they should also not be offended when the people they invited refuse to attend because of the rule. 

“Yeah NTA. Child free weddings are fine, and I totally understand why someone would want that. But with that, you also can't be upset that someone won't come for any reason, even if it's because your wedding is child free,” another user echoed. "And OP is totally NTA for not wanting to leave her 5mo baby with a sitter. It's really difficult to leave kids that age with someone else for an extended period of time, especially if they're breastfeeding.”

Many have expressed their sentiment underscoring that OP’s sister was not an in the wrong for demanding a child-free wedding, but she should not insist on having a guest leave their child just to attend her ceremony. 

“OP, I’d hold ground on not wanting to leave your baby behind. If your sister wants you there that bad, she will find a solution to make you both happy. Maybe pay a sitter to come and stay with the baby in the back so they can exit fast if she cries?” another even suggested. 

Others have even pointed out the delicacy of having a 5-month-old child being taken care of, even by trusted nannies – which makes OP’s case on refusing to attend even more valid. 

“NTA. 5 months is so young to be with a sitter for hours on end. I understand your sister’s frustration, but you’re not an AH for needing to be there for your baby,” someone commented. 

What do you think of OP’s concern? Would you have trusted your 5-month-old child with a nanny? Do you think she was in the wrong for refusing to go to the wedding? Let us know, and pass this on to your family, friends, and other mothers!